For all of the trolls and other obnoxious, terrible people on it, Twitter still has some wonderful, mostly undiscovered corners tucked away that when occasionally stumbled up make the social media service seem like it might be half-way decent after all. One of those nooks is an area known as Sottish Twitter because, well, it consists of tweets written by people from Scotland.
What, you ask, makes a tweet written by someone from Scotland so special? Here’s a perfect example about a random encounter with a nice sounding couple.
Just seen a bird shoutin at her bairn to put his pants on then pointed at me sayin 'look the mans gonna steal ur willy'. Wtf no am no
— Ryan King (@ryankingg) April 19, 2014
What is it about the tweet that’s so hilarious and perfect? It’s hard to pin-point exactly but we’d really rather not dig too deep anyways; instead, we feel it’s best to just enjoy Scottish Twitter on its own, without giving it too much thought. Here are nine more classics from the genre.
On the troubles of shopping:
Can live wi paying 5p for one but am sick of having to fuckin light the beacons of Gondor to summon someone anytime I want a bag in Asda
— Michael Sharp (@sharpis) June 22, 2015
On TFW Your “Maw” Buys You the Wrong Kind of Soap
maw bought aldi shower gel that smells like fairy liquid so I've been cutting about all day smelling like a fucking plate
— Adam (@adamfraser14) August 20, 2015
On the Struggles of Modern Day Romance
Rab McLaughlan wis shagging a burd n he went like that tae her " who's yer daddy" n the burd went "a dno he left ma maw" hahahahaha
— Burnsy (@RyanBurns96) April 3, 2015
On Kanine Police Units
On Tributes to Lost Family Members
A boy at avicii telt me his dad died cos of MDMA and when the beat dropped he was proper crying his eyes out shoutin "ma dad died for this"
— nathan henderson (@nathann_h) July 13, 2015
On…Well, We’re Not Really Sure What This One Is About But We Like It
Do Ann Summers actually ask if yi want a bag?
No thanks Sue hen I'll carry the 15" black mamba with ma milk n bread.
— John Chalmers (@JohnBoyPure) August 20, 2015
On A Nice Night At Home By Yourself
Ye ever wanty just wrap yersel up in tin foil nice and cosy and then just fucking get right inty the microwave and blow yersel up tae fuck
— sheep (@cannyswim) June 22, 2015
On Owning Your Mistakes
Got hame last night and swallowed a 5p hinking it was a rennie tablet hahahaha. No even gonnae be able tae afford a bag tae pick up ma shite
— Ryan (@CfcRyanS) October 16, 2015
On Properly Appreciating Your Mother
Came in to the Hoose to find oot Ma maws made me fajitas a could honestly shag her sometimes
— jamie johnstone (@jamiejay67) October 14, 2015