The Week In Hot Messes: Penis-Shaped Candy, Mall Porn, and Poop From The Sky

Plus testicle-groping in Walmart, horses in Wyoming, and dancing on cop cars in Wisconsin.

The first week of 2017 is officially in the books. As their New Year’s Eve hangovers settled, people from all over the world quickly got back to doing what they do best: being hot messes. The week saw booze-related ball-grabbing in a Florida Walmart, poop falling from the sky in Utah, and porn being broadcast outside of a mall in China. Let’s revisit The Week in Hot Messes.

In Florida, the Mecca of Hot Messes, an 18-year-old allegedly drank five beers in the store’s beer aisle before confessing her crime to the store’s manager and then grabbing a paramedic by the balls. But before judging her too harshly, you should know that she reportedly apologized as she was put into the squad car.

Meanwhile, in Utah a woman says an airplane dumped human poop all over her driveway and car.“It’s like they dumped all the poop out of the airplane and it landed in my drive way,” she said in a Facebook video. “It’s all poop. Human poop…It’s on my car. Splattered everywhere.” Making matters worse: The woman says this isn’t the first time an airplane has dropped feces onto her property.

In nearby Wyoming, a couple of teenagers made headlines for riding their horses into town and through a McDonald’s drive thru…all while their pet goat, appropriately named Goat, followed behind on foot.

Across the pond, the BMW a man loaned to his friend to drive to a Stone Roses’ concert was discovered in a parking garage…five months after the friend lost it. Oops. In other international news, a mall in China apologized after accidentally broadcasting five minutes of porn on a large screen.

And back in the good ol’ USA: A Texas woman filed a lawsuit after she received unwanted penis-shaped candies in the mail from a company called Dicks by Mail. And a man was arrested in Wisconsin for allegedly jumping onto the hood of a police car, where he reportedly proceeded to do the dance known as “the worm.”

 

 

 

Happy New Year!