Russian fisherman Roman Fedortsov posts on social media like most of us—sharing the beautiful and fun and weird we encounter in our daily lives. But Fedortsov’s job separates him in one distinct manner: he catches fish that might be aliens, or evil mythic creatures, or beasts that make me never want to swim in the ocean again.
Apparently the type of fish Fedortsov comes across is rather routine for a deep sea fisherman. The ocean’s darkest waters contains numerous animals we don’t have names for and so this shouldn’t be sur—WHAT IS THAT?? Terrifying Alien Fish Monsters, that’s what.
Please for love of humanity kill it. All life matters and deserves a shot to survive and humans shouldn’t act as arbiters of species but…let’s just all agree we could do without that one.
Okay and probably this one, too. We don’t need this one.
You may be alarmed that Fedortsov handles these creatures long enough to snap photos. This is because you’re a god-fearing human. But Fedortsov also holds these mutations bare-handed.
“it’s just a #halibut, and looks like a cyclops…” writes Fedortsov. The rest of the caption is in Russian, but should probably just say, “Why am I holding this without gloves again?”
According to Fox News, the below picture is an “offshore spider,” which why is that thing? Anyways, while holding this offshore spider—seriously why?—Fedortsov wrote, “hopefully not poisonous.”
Yeah, buddy. Hopefully not poisonous. This is like hugging a grizzly bear while dripping in honey and wearing a salmon suit. To clarify—not a pinkish-hued suit. I mean a suit literally made of salmon fish. “Hopefully bear doesn’t eat me!”
You’ll want to check out Fedortsov’s feed. Because as much as we joke about his carefree attitude handling these things, they are a sight to behold. They resemble monsters Guillermo del Toro or Stephen King might think up. I honestly thought this guy was a boss from Shadow of the Colossus.
Anyways, a few of our (terrifying) favorites are posted below. Nothing like some scary sea creatures to get you in the Christmas spirit!
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