If you’re satisfied with the amount of sex you’re having, congratulations! Also, you’re in the minority. In fact, 60 percent of women (6 out of 10) report not having enough sex, according to a new survey conducted by the dating app HUD.
In order to understand why these women weren’t getting busy, Health sought the help of Holly Richmond, PhD, a sex therapist in Southern California, who has some advice on how to get down on the regular and it has everything to do with communication.
Don’t Be Afraid To Tell Men What You Want
According to Richmond, 60 percent proves that too many women aren’t getting their desires across. She tells Health, “That statistic shows that women really don’t know how to ask for what they want. There’s still some social trepidation around being a sexual woman and having a sexual appetite, [and] some women feel [this] doesn’t fit the norm.”
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“Men don’t own the market on high libidos,” she added. “Libido is really a spectrum across the board for men and women.”
Be Up Front With Your Partner
“If you’re on that first, second, or third date and you decide you want to have sex, tell your partner, ‘I’d love to make this physical with you,’ ‘I’d love to have you over to my place,’ or ‘I’d love to go over to your place,’” she advises. “It’s important to have words around it and really verbalize it. Men might be a little more reluctant to ask, so perhaps it is more important in the wake of ‘Me Too’ to say, ‘I want to have sex. What do you think?’”
If You’re In A Long-Term Relationship, Have “The Talk”
“Go into the conversation with a sense of curiosity so they don’t have to be put on the defensive,” she tells Health. “Not ‘You’re such a disappointment.’ It’s about coming at it from a sense of curiosity in mutual wants and needs.”
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But how do you even broach a subject like this? Richmond suggests starting with, “I’m curious if you’re happy with the amount of sex we’re having, because I’d totally be into the idea of having sex this many times per week.”
Find Someone Else
Without mincing words, Health advises to ditch your partner if you still don’t get the sex you need from your relationship because “it may be a sign your partner and you aren’t right for each other in the long run—and it’s time to find someone new who will make sure you’re not part of the 6 in 10 statistic ever again.”