If you’re familiar with the phrase, “like is attracted to like,” then you will understand the theory behind why playing hard to get in a new relationship is utter nonsense.
Business Insider spoke to relationship expert Claudia Duran, a Miami-based matchmaker. She says in order for a relationship to work, both partners need to be vulnerable. And that means letting each other in on your feelings, even if doing so makes you totally uncomfortable.
“Even if you’re smart and successful and beautiful, we all want to be liked,” Duran said. “It’s just human nature.”
Duran says the most common complaint she hears amongst her clients is lack of communication entirely, whether it’s “He [or she] hasn’t called” or, “Why hasn’t he [or she] made a date?” — all of which could be cleared up with a simple admission of interest.
“People like that, and they respond well to that,” she said.
Easier said than done, right? Most people out in the dating world have a hard time admitting their feelings for someone out of fear of rejection or looking stupid. Duran says you need to suck it up, pointing to dating apps like Tinder as a “nice excuse to hide behind because it’s safe and we don’t have to feel rejected and we don’t have to be accountable.”
According to Business Insider, there is research to back up this “admitting feelings” thing.
As for romantic contexts, Business Insider’s Lindsay Dodgson reported on a 1973 paperfrom the University of Wisconsin that explores the nuances of “playing hard to get.” As the authors write, “a woman can intensify her desirability if she acquires a reputation for being hard-to-get and then, by her behavior, makes it clear to a selected romantic partner that she is attracted to him.”
…A 1979 paper published in the Journal of Research in Personality found that people who are discriminating but indicate that they like you are seen as more appealing.
So there you have it. If you have a crush on someone, let them know. If they don’t share your sentiment, move on. It probably wouldn’t have happened for you anyway. Plus, their loss.
