No, but really — how does a person have better sex or a better relationship? The Fresh Toast has enlisted Rachel Krantz, a sex writer and proud canna-enthusiast, to help readers out with some answers as its sex columnist. No question is off limits, and all questions will remain anonymous. Please send your super-hot sex and relationship inquiries to firstname.lastname@example.org. Now, onto this week’s topic: ideas for having sex high.
Q: I live in California and recreational marijuana just got legalized! I’d been using medicinal before, but I still feel like celebrating. Both my girlfriend and I like to get high and have sex sometimes, and I was wondering if you might have any ideas for having sex while toasted I might not have thought of yet.
A: Hi neighbor! I’m also excited to be in California now that recreational marijuana is legal — it’s nice to feel like something most of us were doing anyway doesn’t have to be hidden in any way anymore. Your question is a fun one — having sex high happens to be one of my favorite topics (and hobbies). Used mindfully, marijuana is a substance that can really make for some interesting sex. Here are some ideas for having sex high you might not have thought of yet.
1. Make Getting High Romantic
In general, setting the mood is a recipe for success — the right lighting, scent, and a clean bed can work wonders for relaxing anyone — but especially women, who are proven to have an easier time orgasming when they are warm and cozy. When you’re having stoned sex, this goes double. Light a candle or three, make sure the room is clean and warm, and put on some music you both like. Lay on the bed and vape or smoke together, cuddling. This makes getting high in itself a romantic and intimate activity, and will create a nice atmosphere for foreplay. Take it slow, and don’t make your partner feel like there’s any rush at all to get down.
2. Dance Up On It
Even if you think you’re a bad dancer, getting high can eliminate some inhibitions. If you don’t want to dance standing up together, challenge yourself to each play a song that you’d like to give the other a lap dance to. If a full strip tease seems to intimidating, one person could simply lay down and the other could sit up, as in Cowgirl position, and dance on their lap that way. Or, you could try “horizontal dancing,” where you’re both laying horizontally and grinding to the music. If it seems hilarious at points, that’s awesome! Embrace laughing. This is all about having fun and getting horny.
3. Stretch Out Second-Base For As Long As You Can Take It
In case you can’t tell yet, most of my tips for high sex have to do with slowing things down. Too often, we rush to the finish line during sex — but getting high is a good reminder that there doesn’t need to be a rush. Challenge each other to stretch second base out as long as you can, until one of you caves. Make-out the way you used to when you were a teenager. Dry hump, play with her boobs, grab her ass until she goes crazy and needs you to take her clothes off.
4. Channel The Munchies
If she’s at the point where she’s begging for more, channel the munchies into oral, and taste the snack that is your partner’s genitals. The 69 position is also great when you’re both high — it will feel super-intense for both of you. For extra points, when you taste her, tell her what you taste, and why you like it. Women are socialized to have shame around their genitals, and this is a great time for you to describe just what you love most about her pussy.
5. Try To Really, Really Tease
If you’re having sex with a woman, this is a tip you need to try — high or not. With her legs spread, take your pointer finger, and stroke her clit as lightly as you possibly can, asking her along the way if she wants any more pressure. You’ll be amazed at how much a super light, teasing touch will drive her absolutely crazy. Go slowly and gently, be patient, keep things feather-light, and try not to stop until her hips are bucking up and down off the bed like a madwoman.
6. Use Mirrors
If you don’t usually have a mirror by the bed, I highly recommend it in general. It will increase both your body positivity, and it’s hot as hell. If you or your partner has felt self-conscious in front of the mirror, being high is a great time to begin to unlearn that and challenge yourself to see the erotic nature of what it actually looks like to get down together.
7. Play ‘Anything But’
Another great way to tease, you can set a limit by playing “Anything But.” For example, you could say you’re each allowed to do anything but touch each other’s genitals, and the first person to cave “loses.”
8. Try Mutual Masturbation
Sometimes, when you’re stoned especially, you just feel a little lazy. If that’s the case, go for some mutual masturbation, and kiss each other. If she normally uses a vibrator, encourage her to break it out. If you have a penis, be sure to use lube or lotion to also make things extra smooth and easy for you.
9. Try A Silent Session
If you decide to do the deed, it can be fun to challenge yourself to a totally silent session ahead of time. Women especially can be slightly performative during sex, making it hard to sort out which moans are genuine and which are just imitating porn. Being silent can take a lot of that pressure off — and it also forces you to communicate without words, and to focus on your breath and the present moment. It’ll feel really intimate and intense.
10. …Or Just The Opposite
On the flip-side, if you live somewhere that permits it, having really loud sex while high can be really liberating. Tell your partner you want each of you not to hold back any sound. Go beyond moaning, and allow for grunting, heavy exhales, laughs, and whatever other noises come out. Remember, this is all about challenging each other to be more authentic and raw.
11. Play ‘1, or 2?’
This is a great time to bring some unfiltered truth into your sex life. If you’ve always wondered exactly what your partner’s preferences are, you can play “1, or 2” — which is a game I just made up. It’s like when you get an eye exam, and they ask you which one is clearer: “1, or 2?” — only for this, you’re asking their sexual preferences. So, for example, you could say “1?” and lightly nibble their nipple, then say, “Or 2?” and suck on it for a bit. Let them answer which they prefer, and if they can’t choose, go back and do it again before moving onto the next choice.
12. Don’t Forget The Lube And Chapstick!
You can get extra dehydrated and dry when you get high, so don’t forget to drink water, and use extra lube and Chapstick so that you’re both comfortable during your extended sesh.
13. Follow Your Spontaneous Instincts
Challenge each other to try new positions, sensations, and ideas as they come to you. Of course, you don’t want to suddenly go into some intense power or pain play without consent, so make sure you have a safe word, keep checking in with each other, and don’t try anything too intense for the first time when you’re high. But go into the kitchen if you’ve always wanted to try that countertop, ask her to let you watch her masturbate, watch porn together if you’ve always been too shy! Follow your spontaneous consensual desire.
14. Flip The Usual Dynamic
Another fun thing to do is to flip your usual sexual power dynamic. If you tend to be more submissive, talk before about trying to be the one who drives the session this time. You could even make it into more of a trippy game by challenging each other to role play “being” the other person. It will help you empathize with their feelings during sex — what would they want right now? What would they normally be doing? How would they do it? (A word of caution: if you have any sore spots about your sexual dynamic, this could end up causing a more serious discussion than you intended.)
15. Don’t Be Afraid To Pause
Sometimes, high sex can get intense! You might get in your head, lose your hard-on, or even feel emotionally overwhelmed. Make it clear to your partner that they shouldn’t be afraid to ask for a pause at any time, and vice-versa. Go back to cuddling, and only resume when or if the other person is ready. That goes for all sex, obviously (enthusiastic consent, people!) but with high sex, you need to take extra care to keep checking in with one another.