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What To Expect During Sunday Night’s Presidential Debate

It seems like years and years have passed since the first presidential debate, when Donald sniffled and Hillary shimmied, but it was only two weeks ago. And now, it’s time for a second meeting between the orange reality TV star and the former Senator. What will happen during this Town Hall-style debate, which very well could determine the next four years of American history? Only the the bigwigs in mainstream media who have rigged it in Hillary’s favor know for sure, but we here at The Fresh Toast have several educated guesses.

1). Birds will repeatedly interrupt the candidates. What kind of birds? All kinds. Bluebirds could fly around, a humming bird could get tangled in Trump’s nestlike coif, an eagle could swoop down, or a duck might quack. Can’t wait for the bird GIFs!

2). Hillary Clinton somehow gets a new pantsuit after every question. How’s she do it? Impossible to say, especially when you’ve signed a non-disclosure agreement.

3). “Werner Herzog gives birth to a demon baby that flies through the air on the back of one of those monkeys from the Wizard of Oz and plucks out Trump’s eyes.” 

4). More birds will disrupt the candidates. Maybe a cardinal and a seagull this time. Where are they coming from?

5). Donald Trump interrupts Hillary only once, to compliment her for her preparedness. 

6). Hillary sings her answers to two consecutive questions while staring directly at Donald, who, unable to meet her gaze, looks at the ground.

7). Donald Trump cancels the debate mid-way through after learning of the “OFFICIAL “PANTSUIT POWER” FLASH MOB FOR HILLARY” because he knows there’s no way he can win against such well-choreographed positivity.

8). Another bird roams the stage. It’s a chicken, but Donald calls it a turkey.

9). Trump will accidentally thank Ivana instead of Melania.

10). Instead of shaking Trump’s hand at the beginning of the debate, Hillary dabs, like this:

11). Donald gives non-answers to questions about his taxes while Hillary makes the jerk-off motion.

12). Donald Trump will mention his Mar-a-Lago property at least twice while talking about Hurricane Matthew.

13). Hillary will fake a cough.

14). If it goes poorly for him again, Trump will claim it was actually Alec Baldwin debating.

15). Trump will attempt to excuse bragging about sexual assault as “locker room talk.”

Only 29 more days until the election!

Posted By: TFT Editors

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