What happened to manners? Where’d they go? People scream at each other from their cars and try to run each other over. We tear each other apart on Facebook merely because we disagree. And some people actually make out in public. As my mother used to say as she desperately tried to get me to move out when I was ten, “Get a room!”
It used to be that bad manners meant eating with your elbows on the table or using the wrong fork for your salad. Alas, no more. Our public manners have disintegrated into far more nefarious crimes than the misuse of cutlery. We no longer open doors for each other, or show up for events we mindlessly RSVP to. When we do attend an Evite dinner party, we bring along five guests the host wasn’t expecting.
People talk on their phones in restaurants and yes, people dress inappropriately at public events. Birkenstocks, for instance, do not belong at the opera.
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There, I said it. Coming from Seattle, I now risk being banished to Snob Hell.
But, while I am at it: you should say thanks when someone opens the door you. And you should hold the door for the person behind you. Men should open the door for women especially when the door is heavy. This does not mean women can not open doors themselves. All it means is that we are practicing good manners. It’s nice to have someone open the door for you.
Don’t stand in front of elevator doors when people are exiting. Don’t text in movie theatres and don’t text on dates. Don’t chew gum with your mouth open. Better, don’t chew gum in public. As I heard Katherine Hepburn say once, “You look like a horse when you chew gum”.
Don’t bring your cold out so others can see it – keep your germs at home. Push your chair in when leaving the table, (I’m pretty sure this is a fire hazard) and stand when a lady comes to the table, or leaves. It’s just polite.
Don’t gossip. It’s unseemly.
Don’t cuss in public. Unless you are a sailor who fought in Vietnam. And got a Purple Heart.
RSVP to parties and always bring a little something when you arrive. If you bring wine, don’t then go and drink it yourself. Always send a thank you note. Cover your mouth when you sneeze or cough! My god.
DON’T CLIP YOUR NAILS IN PUBLIC – EVER. This should be punishable by death.
Use your turn signal, and respect people that use theirs.
If your children are invited to a friend’s house to play, they (and you) should also feel invited to help with the cleanup.
Speaking of being invited, when you come to a party at someone’s house, or go to dinner there, you are obligated by good manners to reciprocate somehow. My mom used to say, “If you are not going to ask them out in return, don’t go in the first place.”
“Welcome to Dumpsville. Population YOU.” Don’t break up with someone by text or emojis.
Don’t dis your spouse on Facebook. It just embarrasses all of us.
Always give your seat to the elderly.
This will also get me invited to fewer parties: Don’t say, “I’m having a party. Bring your own food and drink.” That’s not a party. A party is where you want to do something special for your friends, and where you are generous.
When people would ask my Mom what they could bring, she’d say, “Well, I was thinking of serving salmon with haricots verts and Crystal champagne . Why don’t you bring all that?”
So, whether you check yourself into an etiquette 12-step program, or simply choose to be more mindful of others: keep your bad manners in check and your good manners at the forefront and always, always say, “thank you”, “please”, “sorry”, and “excuse me”.
Remember, having good manners means you are considerate of others; if you are aware of how others feel, you probably already have good manners so it really doesn’t matter if you use the wrong fork.
It does still matter, however, if you wear Birkenstocks to the opera. That’s pretty much unforgivable.
