Friday, May 17, 2024

Wine Coffee Is Now A Thing: Here Are 20 Things We’d Rather See Infused

People love to combine shit with wine. Orange juice, mulling spices, whatever. Yet recently I heard about someone soaking coffee beans in wine, which strikes me as so fantastically stupid that I had to write about it. Wine coffee, here we come.

I love wine. I love coffee. The two should never, ever come together, though that didn’t stop several publications from fawning all over a product that none of them had even tried.

For those who can’t just leave a good thing alone, here are 20 things I’d rather mix with wine besides coffee.

1. Peach puree. Bellinis are delicious.

2. Creme de cassis. You know what’s WAY better than a mimosa? A Kir Royale.

3. Fresh fruit. Sangria is delightful!

4. Grapefruit juice. If you have to have a mimosa, this is the better way to go.

5. Campari.

6. Green Chartreuse.

7. Beer. A Black Velvet is surprisingly delicious!

8. Some other wine, like when you accidentally refill someone’s glass with the wrong bottle.

9. Orange juice. It’s really too sweet, but hey, it works.

10. Apple juice. Never tried it, but seems vaguely tolerable.

11. Lemonade. Seems to work for iced tea.

12. Mulling spices. Hot wine usually sucks, but can sometimes be ok.

13. Water. I mean, it’s what the French do for small children, but it’s still wine.

14. Tea. Hey, at least black tea also has tannins.

15. Literally any liqueur you can imagine.

16. Yes, even Jagermeister.

17. Coca-Cola. They do this in Argentina for some inexplicable reason, and it’s horrifying. Still better than coffee though.

18. Chocolate. If someone hasn’t already tried it, they will soon.

19. The spit bucket at the tasting room, like Miles in Sideways.

20. Red Bull. Just kidding, I’d rather not drink at all.

“Wine-flavored coffee” is like catnip for trend writers. This liquid monstrosity really just amounts to soaking coffee beans in wine, which I highly doubt has any real impact on the flavor. You might not know this, but espresso is typically rather strong. If this leads to Cabernet-Hazelnut Frappucinos, I’m quitting my job and moving to Madagascar.

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