As we get deeper and deeper into winter, we’re still getting plenty of free heat from idiots and heroes around the world who find themselves involved in hot messes. This week we learned about a horrendous maid of honor in Florida, a confused grandmother in Brazil, sexually-active animals in Japan, and man with a bionic penis in Scotland. Let’s revisit the week in hot messes.
First we’ll go to Japan, where scientists observed “sexual behavior between a male Japanese macaque and female sika deer.” The interspecies loving is believed to be the first documented consensual sex between such different animals.
Moving on to Brazil, where a woman discovered that her grandmother has accidentally been praying to a Lord of the Rings figurine instead of a small Saint Anthony statue. “We tried to explain right away but she didn’t understand at first,” the woman said. “The next day we explained again and she understood and we got her a new figure of Saint Anthony.” Once the story went viral, the granddaughter said it was “the funniest thing that’s ever happened to me.”
A woman in California filed a lawsuit against Chipotle seeking $2.2 billion in damages. The reason? She claims the company used a photograph of her without her permission in its ads and photoshopped in alcohol. The $2.2 billion equals the total profit the company has earned since 2006, when the woman says the photograph was first used in the company’s advertisements.
We also learned about Mohammed Abad, who recently recently had an eight-inch-long bionic penis surgically added to replace the penis he’d damaged in a freak accident as a child. Abad, who last year lost his virginity at the age of 43 to a prostitute who specializes in disabled clients, told a British TV station that he’d like to date a “sex robot” but only if he was single at the time.
Speaking of penises, a woman was arrested for stealing 31 boxes of Trojan condoms from a grocery store in Illinois. It’s unclear what she planned on doing with the $300 worth of prophylactics.
And finally, in the Hot Mess of the Week, there was a Florida woman who allegedly chugged most of a bottle of Fireball, punched a man, stole a car, and exposed herself–all while serving as Maid of Honor at her friend’s wedding. Needless to say, the woman and the bride are no longer friends.
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