No, but really — how does a person have better sex or a better relationship? The Fresh Toast has enlisted Rachel Krantz, a sex writer and proud canna-enthusiast, to help readers out with some answers as its sex columnist. No question is off limits, and all questions will remain anonymous. Please send your sex and relationship inquiries to editor@thefreshtoast.com. Now, onto this week’s topic: 15 ways to seduce a woman that actually work.

Q: I’m a guy who’s been with my girlfriend for about five months now. We’ve just started to get out of that infatuation phase where all we can do is have sex, but we still want each other plenty. I really like her and want to hold onto her, but she made an offhand comment the other day about the fact that I always ask for sex the same way — kissing her and touching her boobs. She said she likes to be seduced in other ways sometimes. What are some ways I can maybe get her in the mood?
A: Ah, women. For us, “getting in the mood” is mostly psychological. Here are 15 tips for turning a woman on. Here’s the thing to remember that all of these have in common: you’re playing a long-game here.

Massage Her While You Have A Deep Conversation

I hate to spill his secrets, but this is how my dude first seduced me. We spoke for hours about deep stuff that was important to me, all while he rubbed my feet and thighs, never creeping too far … just far enough. It was a long physical and psychological tease. I nearly guarantee this will work.

Put On D’Angelo Or Erykah Badu And Roll Her A J

If your lady smokes and you roll a nice J, the combination can’t fail. (Better yet, combine it with #1.

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If You Speak Another Language, Use It

This usually only works once things get going, but if you speak another language, use it! Whisper some French in her ear, especially if she doesn’t speak it. It will feel like you’re foreign and familiar to her at once, and she can imagine you’re saying all kinds of romantic things, even if you’re just being dirty.

Push Her Up Against A Wall When She Least Expects It

Look, this happens in movies so often that she probably wants you to do this sometimes. Next time you’re looking at her and thinking how fine she is, push her up against a wall and give her a big, passionate kiss, or grab her wrists and put them above her head and tell her how you need to have her.

Make Out With Her Until She Takes Your Clothes Off

Guys almost always move faster than us, so women rarely get to be teased as much as we’d like. Make out with her and grope her through her clothing until she’s the one begging you to get naked.

Buy Her Flowers And Cook Her Dinner For No Reason

Do it on a day where you’re not in the doghouse for anything, and where it isn’t because you haven’t gotten laid recently. When she asks you what inspired you, tell her you were just thinking about her and wanted her to know how much you love her.

Send Her Random Texts When You’re Feeling All In Love

My dude doesn’t tell me he loves me reflexively, or even super often — but he does send me random texts on the regular that just say ‘I love you’ or ‘I’m feeling all about you right now.’ Expressing spontaneous love when you’re not expecting anything in return is key.

Help Her With Something She Cares About

Nothing turns me on more than when my dude takes the time to edit my writing, or provides moral support during an annoying phone call. This is foreplay.

Pay A Lot of Attention To Just One Part Of Her Body

Worship her arms, or her neck, her nipples. Whatever it is, just make her feel like that part of her is special and you’re obsessed.

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Tell Her How You’re Feeling Out Of Nowhere

Chances are she does this all the time and wishes you did more.

Suggest Doing Something You Know She Likes & Wants To Share With You

If you know she loves a certain TV show but is too embarrassed to ask you to watch it with her, suggest it and cuddle.

Keep Your Compliments Varied & Specific

Compliment different things — specific things. Don’t just say she’s pretty (though that’s nice too). Tell her about her ass in those jeans, how much you respect her work, or the way you were looking at her at that party from across the room all night.

Do A Chore & Don’t Claim Credit

Again, it’s all about demonstrating that you care without demanding sex or anything else in return. She’ll notice.

Wear Her Favorite Outfit Of Yours

The next time she makes an effort to get dressed up to go out, wear that outfit of yours you know she likes, even it might be easier to just wear something else. She’ll appreciate the effort, and think you look handsome all night.

As Soon As She Walks In The Door, Kiss Her

Foreplay starts the moment she walks in the door, so give her a proper, passionate greeting. Remember: women aren’t faucets. You can’t expect to just turn us on and off — instead, think of it as a slow build — we’re more like piggy banks.