Saturday, June 15, 2024

How You Consume Cannabis According To Your Zodiac

Your birthday can say a lot about you, including your cannabis preferences. Scorps use it mainly for sex, while Libras are very hot and cold with the stuff. Here’s what your sign says about you (we assume).

Whether you believe in it or not, astrology is enjoying yet another wave of popularity as the witches of the world find each other (and fans) via social media. It’s the source of endless jokes, memes, and lengthy discussions about whether or not Pisces can have Big Dick Energy or if Libras will ever be less clingy when they find love or if Scorpios will ever not be deeply emotional.  

Each sign is pretty different, which is why we’re speculating via the stars how each consumes cannabis.

Aries March 21-April 19

Aries are leaders and creative organizers. This is the thoughtful host or hostess who maybe isn’t a big smoker, but will always have some joints at a party or on hand for a traveling friend. Aries will abstain unless it’s the perfect pull of the perfect joint (maybe ones wrapped in Shine Papers). Don’t you dare hand them the dregs of an almost gone roach.

RELATED: Marijuana-Infused Beauty Water: Beautify And Medicate

Photo by MStudioImages/Getty Images

Taurus April 20-May 20

Taurus live for indulgences like cannabis, and are stable creatures. This drive for comfort backed by hard work leads them to choose a reliable pipe or sweet bubbler from MJ Arsenal to get the right amount of relaxation on after a hard day’s work.

Gemini May 21-June 20

Getting down with both of their persona is a must, so Gemini switch between vaping out of a bougie Pax 3 to twisting up old school chubby toothpick joints, like those out of a D.A.R.E. Commercial. You’ll be cackling after smoking with a Gemini, so skip your ab workout that day.

RELATED: What’s The Difference Between Spliffs, Joints And Blunts?

Cancer June 21-July 22

Artistic Cancer are homebodies who crave repetitive structure that habitual cannabis can provide. As potheads, you’ll find a Cancer sucking away at a Double Barrel vape pen while alternating a Juul, the cannabis/tobacco balance in digital form must be optimal for peak performance.

Leo July 23-August 22

Because brash Leos love to boost the class factor, you’d likely see one enjoying a high-end table piece like those of My Bud Vase before they launch out into the social butterfly ether.

Virgo August 23-September 22

Confident and riotously funny, Virgo come stacked with Raw wrapped spliffs, the European kind, and though the tobacco isn’t welcome to the rest of us, if it keeps the perfectionist Virgo from keeling over from our insolence, I back it. Of course, some hot Virgo’s love a chocolate edible once in a while.

Photo by MmeEmil/Getty Images

Libra September 23-October 22

Dreamy Libras get very hot and cold with cannabis. When they’re in the mood to flit and fleet from leaf to leaf, you can find them eating half a loaf of infused banana bread and accidentally being stoned in inappropriate places. It’s quite lovable and hilarious.

RELATED: A Beginner’s Guide To Buying Your First Smoking Piece

Scorpio October 23-November 21

Passionate Scorps barely touch the stuff, except to get better experiences in the sack. Why not get literal with some of Caitlin Rose Sweet’s super chic and delightfully graphic ceramics?

Sagittarius November 22-December 21

Sag’s will be the most likely to try THC Epsom Salts to wash away all those glorious sins. Sagittarius party hard and are too busy working to smoke on the daily, but those periodic indulgences will be just that, indulgent as a bath.

Capricorn December 22-January 19

Capricorn is sick of your shit, and definitely sick of both states that make homegrows illegal and high prices at dispensaries. They will be the first to invest in a Seedo because technology is more fun than socialization.

Aquarius Jan 20-Feb 18

Aquarius, like many late wheel zodiacs are either super into weed or completely ambivalent. When an Aquarius is hooked, they’re going to be big on dabs, bongs, hemp wraps, anything supersized.

Pisces February 19-March 20

Just like their previous sign and frequent friend Aquarius, Pisces are all-or-nothing cannabis users. The cannabis inclined Pisces will be so committed that you can likely find them intermittently smoking, vaping, or eating edibles, and even slathering their entire body in topicals like those from Whoopi and Maya to deal with illnesses real and imagined.


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