There is joke going around on Twitter that is simultaneously flippant and alarming because of its flippant attitude. It goes something like this: Post Malone is secretly living out his own Final Destination plot, but in real life. Though in the wake of tragic celebrity deaths like Mac Miller and the regular maelstrom of political news, you might’ve missed what’s happening with Post.
It started with an anxiety familiar to anyone scared of flying. A Gulfstream IV jet carrying 16 people, including Post, set off for London and blew out two of its tires during takeoff. Fans and curious peoples alike tracked the flight as it burned off fuel for hours, as it was diverted a couple times, before finally landing safely at New York Stewart International Airport.
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Are blown tires during takeoff that rare? No. Was there anything special about this emergency response? Also no, airplane experts espoused online. But this was Aug. 21 and Post wouldn’t be done brushing up against death.
i landed guys. thank you for your prayers. can't believe how many people wished death on me on this website. fuck you. but not today
— Post Malone (@PostMalone) August 21, 2018
Then on Sept. 7, Post Malone was involved in a serious car accident after another vehicle ran into his Rolls-Royce Wraith, causing his car to spin out. The crash caused serious damage to the driver’s side of the Wraith and was completely leveled. Post responded how one does to these situations when they have a bunch of money—he bought a shinier, more armored Rolls-Royce to give him protection from errant drivers.
Following the incident, Post responded on Twitter once again about his unfortunate run-ins with bad transportation luck. “god must hate me lol,” he tweeted.
god must hate me lol
— Post Malone (@PostMalone) September 7, 2018
But guess what? We’re still not done! TMZ reported that three armed robbers targeted a house in the San Fernando Valley, believing it was Post’s home. The resident living there was pistol whipped and about $20K worth of jewelry, cash, and cell phones was stolen. But Post Malone had since moved out from the house and TMZ reports that one robber yelled at, “Where’s Post Malone!?”
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The people living there now have no connection to Post Malone, however. Instead authorities believe this burglary is connected to an incident where robbers stole a safe from Rae Sremmurd’s house. Apparently robbers have been active in hitting celebrity homes lately, as Wiz Khalifa, John Mayer, Christina Milian, Bella Thorne and Yasiel Puig have all been victims of burglaries or attempted burglaries.
So maybe Post Malone should just lay low for a while? Maybe escape to a Caribbean island and wait for the bad Final Destination luck to run out. Either way, we’re hoping the rapper’s bad luck runs out sooner rather than later.