Dear Ms. Pot.
I recently went home from college for the Jewish holidays and my parents made me go to temple. I felt 14 again. I had no choice but to make the time at temple more… interesting and weed-y. Am I going to hell?
Josh the Jew
Dear Josh the Jew,
Jewish people and pot actually do pair well together, I have to say. Better than Episcopalians and pot, in my experience. It’s not entirely clear why this is, but it’s true. Talk to any former East Coast summer camp counselor or any undergrad at Brandeis (47 percent Jewish, obvi) or Emory (17 percent jewish, which –for you gentiles out there–is considered high). They’ll tell you getting stoned (and still wearing tie-die) is de rigueur. As much a part of the culture as Chinese food on Sundays.
Still, there is a time and place. Before teaching 10-year-olds tennis for the ninth time on a 90-degree day? Yes. Playing Neil Young on the guitar with a bunch of friends in the dorm room? Duh. While baking challah in your new apartment with your boyfriend? Of course.
But before a somber, three-hour service with your family and all of those well-dressed adults from synagogue you grew up dodging kisses from? Nah… It’s only going to make the dreadfully long service even longer.
Not to mention: Yom Kippur is meant to be Day of Atonement, where you’re supposed to apologize for your sins— not come in with bongs a-blazing. Also. Fasting all day after smoking pot? That’s basically impossible! Have you even seen these munchies from around the world!?
Here’s a better idea: Next year, save smoking until day’s end, and sneak a little with your sister before piling into the family station wagon bound for break-the-fast at your mom’s friend Deborah’s. The bagels and kugel and brisket will taste that much better. Bon appetite!