Monday, June 17, 2024

Jimmy Kimmel And Stephen Colbert Slam Jeff Sessions For Cannabis Crackdown

With Attorney General Jeff Sessions rolling back the Cole Memorandum, an Obama-era policy that discouraged federal prosecutors from targeting those in states with legalized marijuana, amidst a time of more potent political turmoil, it’s caused many to question why. Why is Sessions so obsessed with marijuana policies?

Luckily, in the face of absurdity, we always have comedy. “Late Night” briefly targeted Sessions’ decision, including Jimmy Kimmel who tried to answer that question on everyone’s mind.

“No one can figure out why he’s doing this,” he said. “With all that’s going on, this is like locking someone up for retransmitting baseball games without the consent of Major League Baseball. It’s very minor. But something about it seemed fishy to me, and I want to connect the dots for you so I can tell you what’s really going on here.”

We won’t spoil the fun, but let’s say it involves our ongoing theory that Jeff Sessions might be a Keebler Elf.

Stephen Colbert also joined the cajoling, questioning Sessions’ decision even though a task force Sessions himself had commissioned advised him not to alter the policy.

“Come on, Jeff, you’re the states’ rights guy,” Colbert said. “Would it help you if they smoked the weed out of a rolled-up Confederate Flag? This new directive from Sessions can mean only one thing: He still doesn’t know that white people smoke pot, too.”

Colbert also referenced Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders’ statement, where he told Sessions that marijuana is not heroin. This was followed by Colbert resurfacing Sessions’ comments that marijuana is “only slightly less awful” than heroin. To which Colbert replied: “They’re very close. You take heroin, you die; smoke marijuana, you will die laughing at Jeff Sessions.”


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