Saturday, February 24, 2024

The Atlanta Falcons Should Win Super Bowl Because America Wins, Too

The Atlanta Falcons should win the Super Bowl. That is not a statement made in prognostication, but in best possible outcome. I do not know who will win the Super Bowl. I will not pretend to even predict who will win the Super Bowl. That is a talking head’s game, played (loudly) so you will continue paying attention to them.

Instead, let us deal in facts. This Atlanta Falcons’ offense is historically great. An ongoing internet theory, promulgated by me, involves Matt Ryan being a football android sent from a future where robots have replaced all physical human activity, including sports. No one currently playing football is better at catching passes and running away from defenders like their statues than Julio Jones. (Odell Beckham, Jr. legit still has temper tantrums—albeit ones that are wildly entertaining—and Antonio Brown’s kryptonite, somehow, is Facebook Live.) Not to mention, that tricky abstract force we call momentum is on the Falcons’ side right now.

I should not need to inform you how great New England is. Besides Nick Saban and Alabama, the New England Patriots are sports’ most totalitarian dynasty. Since I became conscious of watching sports, I do not remember a time the Patriots weren’t either in the Super Bowl, or had a legitimate chance of reaching the Super Bowl. Even when Tom Brady injured his ACL in 2008, the Patriots finished 11-5 with Matt Cassel leading them—yes that Matt Cassel. Call Bill Belichick whatever you want—a magician, a machine, a maestro—but I truly believe a blind, dyslexic pig could start as New England’s quarterback, and Belichick would push that team to at least above .500.

That being said, New England should not win the Super Bowl. Respect does not beget support. An ongoing movement of rooting against the Patriots is growing online, but that’s not what this is. This is pro-Atlanta only, not anti-New England. Because if Atlanta wins the Super Bowl, we all win as a culture.

New York and Los Angeles and others will argue otherwise, but the city of Atlanta is America’s greatest current hotbed for popular culture. Some of the best rap, TV, and movies all originated or were produced in Atlanta. No city is better prepared to respond with a win for their sports franchise, especially when you remember Atlanta’s tragic, miserable, downright depressing sports history.

Just imagine, if you will, all the possibilities if Atlanta should win the Super Bowl.

Imagine the rap song(s)

Some rappers you probably (read: should) love in 2017: Migos, Gucci Mane, Lil Yachty, Future, 21 Savage, 2 Chainz, Young Thug. Other Atlanta rappers you know and might (again read: should) love: OutKast, Killer Mike, 8Ball and MJG, Goodie Mob, T.I., Ludacris, Jeezy, Pastor Troy.

Somehow that list with more than 15 names doesn’t feel enough. But if the Falcons win, you will hear from all of Atlanta. There will at least be a “Champions” remix by Tuesday and Gucci will likely drop an EP on Friday. Andre 3000, high on victory, might finally agree to release new records with Big Boi again. And you will love it all because what rap city produces better anthems, better club records, and better radio singles than Atlanta? None. These credentials are not internet stunting; they are simply reality.

For the love of culture, just imagine the Migos ad-libs (*Quavo voice* dream it!).

Imagine the Atlanta storyline

Since I’m already on record as qualifying Atlanta as TV’s most exciting and promising show, I won’t repeat myself. One of Atlanta’s greatest strengths, however, is its ability to blur the line between fiction and reality until it resembles a faint indent of an erased pencil mark: the Awaken, My Love! record appearing in “Juneteenth,” Migos playing “the migos,” black Justin Bieber.

Before the show premiered, it ran a promotion following FX’s season finale of The People v. O. J. Simpson: American Crime Story (spoiler alert: he’s acquitted). It was nothing revealing, just Earn, Darius, and Paper Boi watching the same show that’d just aired, but it accurately captured the tone of show and its characters to come.

All this to be say: If the Falcons win, the show will respond in some form or fashion. And you will laugh. Don’t you want to laugh? Doesn’t America need to laugh right now?

Imagine Follies, Imagine Magic City, Imagine Blue Flame

My editor just regrettably informed me I can’t describe the possible scene at any of these fine establishments. You only don’t know these names if you’ve a) never visited friends who lived in Atlanta or b) never heard a rap song.

Just know Atlanta nightlife will be lawless and out of control if the Falcons claim a Super Bowl. Speaking of which…

Imagine celebrities on social media

Here is a short list of major productions currently filming in Atlanta: Avengers: Infinity Wars, Black Panther, Pitch Perfect 3, I, Tonya, Den of Thieves, and more probably kept under wraps. If Atlanta beats New England, every celebrity and rapper and D-list star will hit the streets.

Don’t you want to see Anna Kendrick snapping selfies with 21 Savage? Would the internet implode if Michael B. Jordan kicked it with Migos somehow? How many of these clips would include “Bad and Boujee” in the background? What’s the likelihood some Chris—Pratt, Hemsworth, Evans—get caught in an uncompromising situation? Why do I know Leo will make an appearance?

When you take a step back, you understand why Atlanta should win the Super Bowl. Everyone will benefit and enjoy the celebration. If you disagree, there’s only one thing you are—a boring, old Patriots fan.


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