Saturday, September 24, 2022

Cops: Drunk Woman Drew Peanut Butter Penises On 30 Cars Outside Of What She Thought Was A Trump Rally

A very confused and drunk woman was arrested Monday night for allegedly drawing penises with peanut butter on 30 cars outside of a wilderness conservation club meeting that she’d somehow mistaken for a Trump rally.

BuzzFeed News reports Christina Ferguson, 32, was charged with disorderly conduct after the incident, which reportedly began when she stormed into a wilderness conservation club meeting brandishing a family-size jar of low-sodium, creamy, natural Jif. According to sheriff’s officials, she yelled at the crowd about Trump before being asked to leave, at which point she smeared penis-shaped peanut butter drawings over the cars in the parking lot and then retreated to a nearby-apartment complex.

Police told BuzzFeed that Ferguson, who they say had a blood-alcohol level of .218, repeatedly licked her fingers after her arrest, which they interpreted as “an action that would infer she had peanut butter, or some other edible food, on her fingers.” She later admitted to the incident, according to police, and was released after posting bail.

But why peanut butter penises on dozens of cars? “Peanut-buttering is better than firebombing, and Trump plans on firebombing everybody in other countries,” she said, according to the police report. Makes sense to me.

peanut-butter-penis
Photo via Portage County Police

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