There’s a man-sized beer bottle on the loose, and Papa John’s wants justice.
This guy wandered into a Papa John’s pizza parlor on New Year’s Eve, most likely drunk off his ass on Heineken (at least we hope it was Heineken, since he’s now their greatest poster boy). He was super hungry from the late night festivities. When he spotted two pizzas waiting untouched behind the counter, he did what any one of us could have done in this situation: He grabbed them and took off. Unfortunately, he forgot to pay. The store’s CCTV cameras took his photo before he ran off.
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Now he’s a man on the run, likely lying low now that the cops are onto him.
If you recognize this man, the South Wales Police would appreciate it if you gave them a call, as ITV reported. They just want to talk to him, the cops tweeted:
Recognise this guy? Have the bottle to let us know who he is via 101 (ref 1700001089) – we want to talk to him re an alleged pizza theft ^CL pic.twitter.com/zYiKSZuSjk
— South Wales Police Bridgend (@SWPBridgend) January 18, 2017
Much respect to the SWP, but if you spot this local hero running around in the same bulky beer bottle costume that he wore on New Year’s Eve, maybe pretend you don’t notice him. Don’t call the cops.
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Don’t approach him, for your own safety — he is a majestic creature but he could be dangerous, we don’t know. When your friends ask if you see that guy over there in the Heineken bottle costume, covered in weeks-old Papa John’s grease, act like you don’t until he’s moved along.
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Such boldness and beauty should be allowed to roam the earth freely, undisturbed by authorities or his fellow man, forever. And whatever kind of hangover from hell he woke up with on New Year’s Day was probably punishment enough.
