Sunday, August 14, 2022

Visualize the News: Melania Trump Interview, James Franco Likes to Headbutt People

Within our hyper-accelerated news culture, it can be tough to keep up with everything. But maintaining an informed populace remains vital to our culture. So for those stories that don’t quite need your undivided attention, we’re helping you digest stuff with GIFS, pics, and whatever qualifies as a quick fix. Remember: Knowing is half the battle. The other half: Laughing at funny memes.

Fresh Toast Action News Interviews Melania Trump

When an 11-year-old Access Hollywood video that caught Republican candidate Donald Trump making inappropriate comments about women surfaced, it was thought to mark the end of his campaign. Trump, however, has bulled full steam ahead, further inculcating himself within conspiracy theories the media and the political machine and “probably aliens” are out to get him.

But as Election Day draws both nearer and father away in Trump’s eyes—repeated spray tan treatments include side effects of “unable to read dates properly”—one member of his inner circle has remained mum on the matter. That is, until now.

The length we went to capture this exclusive interview weren’t easy. We snuck into Trump Tower by handing the doorman a Sacagawea coin and somehow managed to lift our finger high enough to press the elevator button of Trump’s penthouse.  We share with you the raw footage of our Pulitzer-level journalism now.


Ms. Melania Trump. This is Brendan Bures, with Fresh Toast Action News. I’ll cut right to the chase. What was your initial reaction when you saw that 11-year-old video of your husband’s derogatory comments toward women?


And what about when he says he grab women by the—well, when he grabs them by their genitalia? What did you think of that?


An eloquent response, Ms. Trump, though that lake water appear brackish. Here’s my Swimmer’s Ear drops for later. Now what might you say to other women now coming forward, alleging Donald Trump of sexual assault?


Hmm. Not what I was expecting to hear.

Some have criticized of you playing the “innocent bystander” while your husband utters inchoate hatred and insanity. Furthermore, many find it impossible that you have never heard your husband spew any of this, as you call it, “boys talk.” To say this was an isolated incident that Billy Bush “egged on” and forced out of your husband, you would’ve had to ignore a lot of talk from a man who used to own the Miss USA beauty pageant, and who has also made many, many public comments on the physical appearances of women, some disparaging and some suggestive.

What do you say to those people?


Well, okay then.

Last, where might people find you now until Election Day?


James Franco Likes to Headbutt Things

That’s what one paparazzi photographer is alleging anyways. TMZ reports that Franco is being sued by David Tonnessen, who says Franco headbutted him during a Lana Del Ray show at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery back in 2014.

After Tonnosen had been taking photos of Del Ray, the suit claims “unprovoked, [Franco] viciously charged and head-butted [Tonnessen] in the stomach.” In addition, the suit describes Franco as “smiling, rather demonically… [with a] blank expression of joy on his face.”

Reading the allegations, you might assume this is how things went down.



However, one of our insider sources (Editor’s note: We don’t have insider sources) describes the scene closer to this:


Naked Hillary Clinton Statue Incites Fight

Yes, that’s unfortunately correct: A naked Hillary Clinton statue remained upright for three hours Tuesday in lower Manhattan before someone knocked it down. A 27-year-old artist set up the piece outside Bowling Green station and makes a rather tasteless political statement.

An anarchist political group, Indecline, had placed a naked Donald Trump statue in Union Square back in August, though that one only lasted two hours. The Clinton statue lasted just two hours before a fight erupted between the artist and a woman.

Our camera were lucky enough to capture a live shot of the crowd’s reaction when first seeing the statue.



The most essential news, culture, entertainment, pop culture, and culture coverage that you need to know. Interested in more? Check out these stories: “Norway’s Prime Minster Is Really Into Pokemon Go and Gaming,” “Ken Bone’s ‘Journal’: A Fresh Toast Exclusive,” “Study: Annoying Ducks Who Loved To Honk Probably Woke Up The Dinosaurs Every Morning.”


Alcohol-Related Deaths Increased By This Much During The First Year Of The Pandemic

The pandemic has impacted our drinking habits and has increased the amount of alcohol-related deaths by a significant margin.


How Marijuana Could Worsen Symptoms Of Depression

A recent study found people with depression were double the risk of using marijuana than those without, and were more likely to consume at a near-daily rate.

Don't Miss Your Weekly Dose of The Fresh Toast.

Stay informed with exclusive news briefs delivered directly to your inbox every Friday.

We respect your privacy. Unsubscribe anytime.