Thanks for taking the time to read my email man. I’ve been freaking out and I could use your advice. So the other day I was with my fiancé at this party with this dude I’ll call Jeff. Jeff is cool. We were in high school together and both moved to Cincinnati (were I’m writing from). Jeff has been there with me through all the stuff and the highs of my life. We played on the football team together, we double dated in high school. He’s gonna be my best man when I marry my fiancé Crystal (that’s not her real name, but I want to be cool).
So this is the deal – Jeff and I have been smoking up for years. I started after high school which cracked Jeff up but I did it because I had anxiety and depression and I found it helped. So I’ve been high with Jeff and lot and we’ve partied and shit together. Anyway, about a week ago some shit went down and I’m not sure what to do.
We got this new strain from the coolest dude on the planet. Not a stoner dealer but a guy who gets medical grade and is paying his daughters tuition off of the profits, so I like buying from him.
I’m at this party a week ago with Jeff and his girlfriend Tori and with my fiancé Crystal and the girls went off to dance in the living room at this party and Jeff and I went upstairs and found this room and smoked up. We were both chillin’ and after a few hits I felt Jeff’s hand on my crotch and well – we fooled around and now I’m freaking out.
Look – I’m not gay, okay? I’m not. I know you talk a lot about how your truly bisexual and how it freaked you out that you were gay your whole life and then admitted you’ve always been attracted to girls so you sorta came out as a gay guy whose actually truly bisexual and this shit has me freaked out. I kept thinking about how I’ve always sorta seen Jeff as someone I wanted to bone but I didn’t really get it until when we made out. I’m sweating writing that I always wanted to fuck around with Jeff. I feel sick to my stomach actually. My old anxiety.
What does this mean? That I’m gay now? Or bi? I’ve got a fiancé and she won’t get it. She’s Catholic. Are you kidding me? I got to go to church with her family. Help MCB. My head feels like it’s gonna explode.
Signed, Confused in Cincinnati.
Yo CIC (hey, that’s a pretty good anagram):
Dude. Please listen to me: give yourself a break. Seriously. Just chill and let me tell you my deal (which I know you have read so you know it but good to hear from the horse’s mouth).
My therapist used to joke that I was a latent heterosexual which, let me tell you, pissed off a lot of gay guys. I was told ‘there’s no such thing as someone being truly bisexual’ and ‘you just don’t like being gay’ and in terms of the latter, they were right. I didn’t like being a gay guy, or knew how to be a gay guy and it’s because I was never totally a gay guy I was a bisexual guy who liked guys and girls. It’s crazy to think about. I get it.
I always had to smoke weed before I’d have sex with guys. It was like I couldn’t just have sex and be there and take on the role of the dominating guy and stuff. I had some strange views of what it meant to be a man. Still do a bit. I could go on and on about the thing of weed and being a guy and what happens but this is about you.
Related Link: Is NY’s ‘Marijuana Delivery Service To The Stars’ Dead?
First off, fuck labels. I know that’s hard to do but you have to let that shit go. Took me a long time to do that. I was a gay guy who liked girls but felt like I was failing gay culture by saying I liked girls…the labels held me up. Look – if you love your fiancé and she loves you that’s awesome and don’t want to screw that up. Do you want to tell her yet what happened with you and your friend? I wouldn’t suggest it because you don’t know what happened. You just know it happened. I will say this – kinda interesting he made the first move. Just sayin’.
Good weed will strip away your boundaries and make you so chill you will allow something that’s always been there to be expressed which is why sex on weed is so fun. It opens up the floodgates, it lowers the resistance you carry around all day and you feel good and connect more easily to the best part of you.
I wouldn’t freak out thinking you’re now into guys. See how you feel. See if this is something you want. Do like Yoda says – ‘search your feelings.’ You know what you’ve been feeling for awhile. If your feelings are not for guys in general but your friend who you’re tight with then it’s probably not that you’re gay or bi but that the weed brought our your love for another brother. That’s all. Don’t get into a massive head-trip. If you’re prone to anxiety and depression those thoughts will fuck you up.
If I could tell you how many straight guys have told me they made out with other straight gays when they got super baked I’d be rich af (well, richer than I am already). So trust me when I tell you – you are NOT alone.
My biggest piece of advice is don’t judge what you did, don’t give yourself grief and stop any private smack talk you may have going on in your head. So you fucked around with a buddy. Are you guys cool? Have you talked since? If you haven’t, and you guys are cool, let it go. If you sense major tension then best to diffuse that shit and talk it out but only after you are clear that you did nothing wrong, that labels are lame and that this is 2017 and we’re beyond all that shit. Right? Right.