You’ve probably heard it all — but I’m hoping you haven’t heard this. As The Fresh Toast’s sex columnist, if I really had to distill my top tips for you to improve your sex life — stat — these would have to be the five ideas I suggest you try first. They work for me, every time — hopefully they work for you too!
Invest In A Luxury Sex Toy
Maybe you already have one, in which case, good job. But if you’re still using that Pocket Rocket, it’s time to join the modern era and invest in a high-quality sex toy. If you have a vagina or sleep with vaginas, my top suggestions are either the LELO LILY2 (great for clitoral stimulation during penetrative sex, or on its own), or The Womanizer (an innovative new toy that simulates oral sex for those of us with clitorises, and gives a great show. If you’re a penis-owner who wants a toy of his own, there’s plenty out there for you too! Try the unfortunately-named Hot Octopus Pulse II, or enjoy a couple’s toy, like the classic WeVibe.
2. Get High & Play “Anything But”
You can read more of my tips for high sex in a different column, but I think this one is the tops. Get high, and decide on a limit — like being able to do anything but kiss, or touch each others’ genitals, and go at it until one person “loses” and the winner gets to decide their (consensual) prize. The tease will get both of you hot and giggly.
3. Put A Mirror In Front Of The Bed
If you think you look bad, all the more reason to create some good candle-lighting and overcome that noise! Watching yourself have sex with someone is arousing, and it will get you both off. I promise. We are visual creatures.
4. Use Jealousy To Get Aroused
If you think it’s too intense to ask a partner about a fantasy they’ve been having that might involve someone else, try asking them to recount a past romp they had before they met you the next time you’re getting down. Hearing about them having sex with someone else might hurt a little — but it will hurt in a good way, so long as you promise not to use any of it against them in a fight someday. Start off with someone safe, like an ex you know you won’t be jealous of, or having them recount a one-night stand, and work your way up from there. Soon, you might be able to even hear their fantasies about that hottie at the party they were flirting with — or even feel open to inviting them home!
5. Make A Date To Simply Get High & Stay In Bed
Set some mellow lighting and music, get high, and cuddle. Extend the conversational foreplay as long as you can, and only mess around when you really can’t stand not to any longer. Take it slow, focus on your breath, and make sure to start early enough in the night that you know you have hours and hours in front of you. It will feel downright luxurious just to make date night about being each other’s best friends and lovers.