Monday, March 4, 2024

Three Times In Everyday Life When Being High Would Have Made It Better

Being an adult means doing all sorts of things that you don’t want to do. Chores, jobs, spending time with your in-laws, jury duty: At times it can feel like it’s all you’re doing. But another thing about being an adult (in certain states, at least) is that you can get high to make those responsibilities less awful. Below are three activities we wish we’d gotten high for first.

Jury Duty

Showing up for jury duty is an important civic duty, even if it is a huge pain in the ass. On the hand, you’re being a responsible citizen; on the other, you have to sit in a big room all day and wait for your name to be called for a case that you’ll probably be dismissed from anyway. The last time we went, we say for hours for nothing. You know what would’ve helped? A little toke or two before we arrived, or maybe half an edible. Just enough to take the edge off the boredom.

The Dentist

The only thing worse than going to the dentist is not going to the dentist—root canals and other mouth calamities that are the result of a lack of dental care are no joke. But there is something you can do to make it more tolerable. Have you guessed it yet? That’s right—you could get stoned first. Just make sure you go with a strain that doesn’t occasionally push you into paranoia, since that’s the last thing you need when a stranger is poking sharp metal tools into your open mouth beneath a blinding white light.

Shopping at IKEA

If you’ve ever moved to a major city, odds are you’ve at least made one hours-long trip to IKEA. The massive Swedish home furnishings store contains every conceivable product you need for your house or apartment, which is exactly why it feels so overwhelming. Chairs and couches and tables and kitchen shit in every conceivable size and color surrounded by dozens of bickering couples debating what to get—it’s a lot to deal with…unless you get blazed first. A high trip to IKEA we imagine would be wonderful, not least of all because of those delicious Swedish meatballs in the cafeteria. Mmm.


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