Monday, May 20, 2024

Don’t Call Matthew McConaughey ‘Matt’ Because His Name Is Matthew McConaughey

Matthew McConaughey does not and will not answer to the common nickname Matt. If you were to witness Matthew McConaughey doing Matthew McConaughey things—like wrestling alligators wearing ankle weights—and cheer him on, screaming, “Go Matt, you Texas tamale, you,” Matthew McConaughey would not respond.

Though you’ve known friends named Matthew and called them Matt for short, Matthew McConaughey will not answer to that. The transitive property, like most mathematic principles, is a lie. Matthew McConaughey knows that. Matt, however, does not.

This is all because the name Matthew McConaughey’s mom gave him was Matthew McConaughey and not—contrary to some reports—Matt McConaughey name. Matthew is from the Bible. Before writing this post, I read the entire Bible three times, and can confirm there are no Matts in the Bible. No person, not even Judas, beckoned, “Hey Matt, we’re gonna watch Jesus perform some miracles. Wanna come?” No one said this because that would be ridiculous. As if someone would ever call to Matthew Matt like that.

So Matthew McConaughey’s name is Matthew McConaughey, in case you were confused.

He will also answer to “sonofabitch,” a not uncommon nickname for Matthews, but still not Matt, a super common nickname for Matthew. Now that’s been cleared up, allow him to reintroduce himself—his name is Matt……hew McConaughey. To think we might’ve had Matthew McConaughey’s name confused all these year.

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