Monday, March 4, 2024

11 Ridiculous Products To Help You Smuggle Booze Into…Anywhere

There’s not many events in life that couldn’t be made better with a little booze. Unfortunately, many events don’t allow alcohol. Here are 9 ways that problem has been solved with products that will ensure you can smuggle your booze while trying not to look like someone who is probably sneaking in alcohol.

1. These Pocket Undies

Is that a bottle of booze in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? Guys, these briefs are the ideal way to “enhance” your look while smuggling liquor. One Amazon user says: “I bought these for a rave. I was able to sneak in a flask, oil pens, pills, credit cards, I.D’s and lighters. Literally the best way to sneak things into a venue.” A flask AND pills! Sold.

2. This Tie And Scarf

As the names suggest, the Flasktie and Flaskscarf are accessories that claim to hide your habit “At the office. Out on the town. Weddings. Stalking.” Bonus: they also work as bibs.

3. These Binoculars

Where did your booze go? Can you see it? Look closer. There it is! Hiding in your binoculars. The Secret Binocular Flask holds 16-ounces in two separated 8-ounce barrels, so “there’s plenty of room to store your manly whiskey and her favorite vodka too.” Who knew binoculars could be misogynistic?

4. This Baseball Glove

Professionally known as the Glask, this “not intended for competitive use” baseball glove uses disposable flasks, which fit into the Glask like a glove. Also, the flask is tightly secured for when you need to take a few nips while playing catch with your kiddo. Don’t want to see daddy drinking out of glass!

5. This Bra

The best part about The Wine Rack is its name. The snug sports bra holds 25 ounces of alcohol. But according to Amazon users, it’s not too practical for the ladies. The potentially wonky athletic wear (drinking is a sport) drew comments such as “the flask sprung a leak on me during a concert” and “the seam split open and all of her liquor spilt out, and ruined her skirt she was wearing.” Well, that’s not good.

6. These Tampons

The good news is that no security guard will touch these. The bad news is that you have to risk people thinking you’re either sucking on a tampon or putting one in your drink. Tough call. And according to several Amazon users, like most tampons, these flasks don’t hold a ton of liquid, so make sure you store them in a plastic baggie to prevent leakage.

7. This Hair Brush

The Bev Brush only holds 6 ounces of liquid, so it’s not ideal for a long outing. Apparently, it actually works as a great brush, too!

8. This Purse

From the makers of The Bev Brush comes The Bev Bag. And holy shit, this thing carries 28 ounces of liquid, which sits at the bottom of the bag so you can actually set it on the ground. User reviews tote this bag as super cheap, but chances are, so is the booze your storing in it.

A less discreet, but way better made bag is the Portovino Wine Purse. It’s $80, so don’t spill on it.

9. This Sunscreen

This flask holds 8 ounces of booze and is great for summertime by the pool or at the ballpark. For cooler months, opt for the regular lotion. Unless you’re super pale, SPF 50 in your purse during the winter might draw unwanted attention to those trying to ruin your fun.

10. This Beer Gut

The same company that made The Wine Rack offers a product for guys. Ladies who want to look bloated and/or pregnant can also wear it. If your thirst outweighs your pride, just drape this 80-ounce wine bladder over your torso and you’re good to go. Hope the booze you put inside of it is worth it.

11. This Lipstick

Nordstrom is getting in on the hidden flask trend with their own lipstick. The thing is huge, holding 4 ounces of liquid. And it comes with a tiny funnel. Other retailers, like Walmart and Urban Outfitters also (used to?) sell a lipstick flask, but they’re currently sold out. A simple Google search will help you find a replacement.

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