According to sex therapists and experts, communication is a huge part of having good and fulfilling sex. Although it sounds like great advice, in practice it’s more complicated than simply asking for what you want and getting it. There’s egos to balance, and there’s also the challenge of how to let someone know they could improve.
Feedback is important because everybody is different and you can’t expect a new sex partner to know what makes you tick during your first sexual encounter. Being open and receptive to your sexual partner makes a ton of difference — in some instances even making or breaking a sexual encounter. Here are five effective tips that’ll help you communicate and provide positive feedback during sex.
Learn the difference between feedback and instructions
Instructions are clear cut and with no room for interpretation, perfect for assembling a table from IKEA but not really lending themselves for sex. Use feedback as a way of being supportive and of getting the best out of your sexual encounter. Be relaxed and provide orientation for your partner, especially if you notice that they’re a little lost.
Know what you like
Before you give out feedback it’s important that you know your body and the things you enjoy. Practice on your own and grow comfortable with your body and with your attitude during sex. It’s not easy but the more you practice the better and healthier the outcome.
Communicate in a way that’s comfortable and natural for you
If you’re a quiet and shy person, it’s a lot to ask for you to transform into a porn star the minute you get naked with someone. Don’t do that. Always try to look for comfort, taking it easy and relieving yourself of any pressures and expectations that aren’t necessary. Be open about your personality and communicate in a way that feels natural, be that through touch, full sentences or simple sounds.
Give feedback after sex
If giving feedback mid-sex isn’t your thing, make an effort to communicate positively after sex. This gives you the opportunity to discuss the things you enjoyed, what you’d like to do in the future and your expectations of sex. The afterglow of sex creates a much more relaxed environment than the one that exists before or during sex.
Don’t forget about the positive things
Again, feedback should be used as a way of encouraging the positive aspects of your sexual relationship, not as a way of tearing someone down. Use feedback as an opportunity to deepen your relationship with someone, sexual or otherwise, and get some fun and good laughs out of your experience.