Lauren Graham, the actress who plays Lorelai Gilmore on “Gilmore Girls,” recently appeared on the “The Late Show” and told Stephen Colbert that, despite the trending #EmptyCupAwards on Twitter, she always has coffee in her mugs. Uh huh.
Maybe she’s telling the truth. Maybe there is always coffee in the cups, but I am a firm believer that Lorelai and Rory never actually drank the contents. And here’s why.
First, just look at the photo (above) Netflix used to promote their revival series, “Gilmore Girls: A Year In The Life.” What the hell is that? Are Lorelai and Rory supposed to look like they’re drinking out of those mugs or hiding behind them? It’s an awkward pose. And it only makes stronger my case that the two never actually imbibe in the liquid they both claim to be addicted to.
But the biggest tell tale sign is that the ladies don’t eat. Anything. Okay, maybe they take a bird-sized peck once in awhile, but usually, they just push their fork around and talk about food constantly, like some sort of eating disorder where talking about and plating food makes you feel like you ingested something.
Exhibit A: In Season 6, Episode 7, Rory samples some cakes for her upcoming 21st birthday party. Or does she?
At 11:26, we can see her stabbing her fork into some slices, and running the tines across the frosting, but we never actually see food going into her mouth.
Exhibit B: At the 40:09 of Season 2, Ep. 6, the ladies order burgers at Luke’s. And while Rory takes a lifetime to choke down a piece of bun, Lorelai spends the scene dressing hers with condiments. Nobody actually takes a bite of the burger!
If they’re not even eating delicious prop foods, then why would they drink delicious prop coffee?
In Season 6, Ep. 5, there is a two-and-a-half minute scene of Lorelai holding her coffee cup in the kitchen of the Dragonfly Inn, but the cup never touches her lips. Maybe her hands are just cold?
Fast forward to the 11:19 mark.
Ditto with Season 5, Ep. 16, but with an even longer scene starting at 20:35.
In Season 6, Ep. 1, Rory pretends to pour herself some coffee, and then subsequently grabs creamer out of the fridge. You can see when she tilts her mug while clasping the carton that it’s actually empty. Even when she adds a ton of cream to her mug, you still can’t see any liquids rise to the brim. How’s that steaming cup of cold milk, Rory?
Watch it unfold at 15:21.
In the proceeding episode, it’s the same thing: At the 13:30 mark, we see Rory walk over to the coffee pot and pour herself some coffee — about a tablespoon’s worth.
In Season 5, Ep. 18, Lorelai pours Rory some coffee. Rory adds cream and sugar, but then just stirs it around and stares into the mug. It’s morning. Wouldn’t a coffee lover dive right into the stuff?
Blasphemy at 25:00.
And let’s not forget: every time they walk around holding paper cups, the cups look light as air, which suggests they’re either drinking steamers or the cups are empty (or filled with cotton balls, you pick).
— Candy Haesel (@AndyRickie) December 1, 2016
Gives new meaning to Stars Hollow.