Friday, May 24, 2024

How High Were We? 7 Things Humans Actually Consumed In The 1980s

Consider Mötley Crüe. Even the use of umlauts was excessive in the 1980s. That’s just one reason it’s known as the decade of excess, and nowhere was that more evident than in the grocery aisle. Snack foods were more fun than functional, and hydrogenated oil was basically a vitamin. Here are 7 foods we as a nation collectively ate with abandon, but that probably should’ve been packaged in caution tape.

Hostess Pudding Pies

Reimagined today as Hostess Crème Pies, these were once deep-fried pies filled with vanilla or chocolate pudding, and then coated with chocolate icing. There was usually more pudding than pie, creating a pudding explosion with every bite. But hey, if it’s good enough for Joey Lawrence.

Frank ‘n Stuff

Hotdogs are unhealthy all by themselves. Stuffed with cheese and chili? Say bon appetite to a heart-attack in a bun.

Jolt Cola

Worse even than Pepsi A.M., this cola made headlines in the ’80s for containing enough stimulants to make your gums bleed. It was marketed towards kids, who loved the idea of not sleeping, but many parents were not psyched about the cola’s “all the sugar and twice the caffeine” slogan.

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GatorGum

There was so much beverage-inspired gum in the ’80s (A&W Root Beer, Dr. Pepper, 7-Up), and none more useless than Gatorade gum. It was supposed to quench your thirst, but after about 30 seconds of chewing this tart lemon-lime flavored substance, you mostly just became way thirstier than before.

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Betty Crocker Pudding Roll-Ups

Pudding was big in the ’80s in all forms, including roll-ups. Because who needs the rich and creamy mouth feel satisfaction of eating real pudding when you can eat a much drier, flatter version?

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Hubba Bubba Soda

This bubble gum flavored soda proved once and for all that kids will drink anything.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BpZL_XxA9oa

White Mountain Coolers

Artificially fruit flavored (with pulp!) malt beverages that were brewed like beer and marketed towards those who don’t like the taste of beer. Shockingly, this product did not last.

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