Thursday, February 2, 2023

The Internet Can’t Cope With Ivanka Trump’s 21-Minute Sex Playlist

Ivanka Trump made a depressingly romantic 21-minute playlist that includes tearjerkers such as John Legend’s “All Of Me” and Bruno Mars’ “When I Was Your Man.”

We don’t know, but James Blunt doesn’t sound particularly sexy. He evokes more like, dramatic tears on the subway. No offense. 

Agreed.

For you to understand just why this might be a sex playlist, you need some background. The Huffington Post reports that Ivanka and Jared Kushner got married on October 25th 2009, which means that this playlist was released a mere 10 days before their 8 year anniversary. Coincidence? There are no such things.

This is also the first public playlist Ivanka has made since 2015, where she published big hits such as “Holiday Party”, “Walk to Work” and “Weekend Morning”. As you can tell, all of these playlists state their purpose very clearly. “Walk to Work” is a list of songs that Ivanka listens to while she’s on her way to work. Duh. We’re taking this investigation seriously, people. Ivanka’s anniversary sex playlist stands out because it has a pretty cryptic title. “991122”. This could’ve been a simple mistake, just her fingers tapping on the wrong numbers, but no. This is also HTML code for the color red, evoking passion, red roses, and sexy things. CASE CLOSED. This is a sex playlist.

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