Tuesday, February 20, 2024

Mark Zuckerberg Is A Millennial Hero And I Don’t Understand Why

Mark Zuckerberg is a millennial hero. This information comes to us, courtesy of a GoDaddy survey aimed at global entrepreneurs.

According to the study, 40% of millennials label Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg as their role model. Comparatively, just 21% of Gen X considers Zuckerberg a role model while 24% of Boomers would say the same.

The statistics are almost flipped when it comes to the former No. 1 role model answer: parents. A majority 44% of Boomers labeled parents as their aspirant model; a still significant 39% figure for Gen X and just 30% for millennials.

My initial reaction to this information was simple: My generation is lost. The guy who literally only wears gray shirts and jeans every day? This is our hero? Usually I’d be using literally in that way most Internet writers do—as hyperbole. An exaggerated adverb, if you will. But nope: Dude literally only wears gray shirts and hoodies, also gray, though a different shade. Mr. 50 Shades of Slightly Lighter Gray. This is our hero.

Maybe fashion isn’t that important to you, though. He’s a business hero, not a fashion icon. That’s fine, though millennials really love fashion. Still, that’s fine. This is our hero.

But would it change your mind if I pointed you in the direction of this incredible PopSci profile? It includes a wonderful infographic detailing Zuckerberg’s pet project: a virtual pal that modifies insane levels of detail in his house. For example: “His ‘assistant’ can predict when Zuckerberg will want to eat breakfast on any given day, and time the toaster accordingly.”

Wasn’t that an episode of Black Mirror? Also, you’re worth billions of dollars and still eat self-prepared toast for breakfast? Come on, fam. Stop trying to change the world when you clearly need to take some time to work on yourself, Zuck. But, er, excuse me: This is our hero.

What about Zuckerberg’s latest business obsession: virtual reality. From that same PopSci profile, he explains urging Facebook to buy VR Company Oculus Rift for $2 billion in 2014. Not cheap. But like the overnight ubiquity of smartphones, he believes VR and its derivatives—augmented reality, mixed reality—are the future.

Instead of wasting useless money on boardroom monitors and classroom projectors, we will invest in VR programs that will project this and other information to be stored in various clouds. Think Pokemon Go, but the Pokemon are spreadsheets and figures and models and precious, precious data. How long will until this transformation radicalizes? “As he sees it, in just 10 years’ time, ‘VR will be a mainstream-computing platform.’ ” Zuckerberg said.

Facebook already dictates insane levels of control over media, now it will control all the media. It will push us to live in worlds akin to live in Ready Player One or The Matrix or eXistenZ. Why am I the only one freaking out!? I forgot: This is our hero.

Why? Because he made a bunch of money after befriending Justin Timberlake and screwing over Andrew Garfield (or something along those lines). You want a business mogul? A role model who started with literally nothing and not like a Harvard education? What about Jay Z! Sure, TIDAL isn’t doing that hot currently, but he’s surely better than Zuck, our hero, lord, and savior. Zuckerberg didn’t make “Heart of the City.” He didn’t rap “Hard Knock Life (Ghetto Anthem).” He didn’t record the kind of indisputable best party anthem “Big Pimpin’.”

I want to be like the guy who recorded “Big Pimpin’.” But maybe I’m just like Frank Ocean; I can’t relate to my peers. I’m not brave. Zuckerberg is a millennial hero and I’ll never understand why.


Celebrating The Espresso Martini

Despite a few Grinches, the holiday sales confirm marijuana is mainstream which is good news all the way around.


How Working At An Office Can Make You Fat

Humans are products of their environment and when the environment is a large office space, that means humans are products of gluttony.

Don't Miss Your Weekly Dose of The Fresh Toast.

Stay informed with exclusive news briefs delivered directly to your inbox every Friday.

We respect your privacy. Unsubscribe anytime.