Monday, July 13, 2020
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The Benefits Of Being An Ugly Guy

I’m not handsome. I’m not moderately handsome, I’m not classically handsome, I’m not even Turner Classic handsome. Now before you all climb atop your self-esteem high horse– I’m not saying I’m a bad person. I’m just saying I’m a bad looking person. There’s a difference. The two are not mutually exclusive. Most people can find a celebrity they resemble. The closest thing to a celebrity look-alike I have, is that gorilla they killed at the Cincinnati Zoo. You tenderhearted folk out there; don’t feel sorry for me– I don’t. I have thus far lived an interesting and fulfilling life, despite my physical shortcomings.

Being ugly actually has many benefits Here are a few of my favorites.

Being self-aware 


Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. dreamed of a world where people would be judged, not by the color of their skin, or any other physical attributes, but by the content of their character. When you’re ugly, you live this dream every day of your life! I have to be a good, decent person to get anywhere in life. I literally can’t afford not to be. People don’t take crap from you when you’re ugly. They will also call you out on any shortcomings you have. And if you don’t have any shortcomings– they’ll make some up. That’s why I’m hyper aware of my flaws and faults. Being self-aware is one of the keys to success. Attractive people have a very distorted view of their abilities. They’re told they’re good at everything so when they eventually try something they’re not good at on a big stage– they get embarrassed. Ugly people don’t have to go through that. We suffered our embarrassments years prior. So the next time you’re feeling down for being ugly; remember– you’re living out Dr. King’s dream!

Drama free
This is something I know well. When I was in college I worked at a supermarket. One of my  co-workers was attractive and I wasn’t. Because of this– the young ladies we worked with wanted his attention– not mine. One day that created a makeshift love triangle. The ensuing chaos almost cost them their jobs. Not mine! I put my nose to the ground and did my work. I worked so hard I even got a bonus award for my outstanding customer service! See sometimes, being ugly really, truly pays off!

Why are Abraham Lincoln’s accomplishments more celebrated than JFK’s? Because he was ugly!

Judged less
Look like a hot mess if you want to. Wear something tacky… go ahead. Ain’t nobody got time for you! You’re ugly. You have a free pass to look however you want. No one will say anything. You like wearing brown, but it just isn’t your color? That’s fine, wear it– because no one’s paying attention to you! Clothing should be worn for oneself–not for the pleasure and approval of others, and when you’re ugly you get to live that rewarding life principle every day!

Low expectations
Why are Abraham Lincoln’s accomplishments more celebrated than JFK’s? Because he was ugly! That’s why! Most world leaders and history makers have been of the ugly variety. They had to do great things to find fulfillment in life. Beautiful people can be content with a vapid and utterly unfulfilled existence, simply because being beautiful is its own reward. Ugly people have to work harder for success. You know what? I’m even gonna put this out there. If Lincoln was handsome– the Civil War might never have happened. Yeah, the South had their grievances, but if Lincoln was just a tiny bit attractive they would have probably said: “Maybe we could work things out with old Abe.” When they saw his ugly mug in the paper, they were like hell, no– we’re seceding!

Infinite Wisdom
Ugly people are wise as hell. We have to be. If we didn’t show our value to our attractive counterparts– we would have been cast out of society generations ago. Look at movies. The wisest people are always ugly. Yoda, Master Splinter, Mr. Miyagi. All ugly! Now two of those weren’t even human but whatever. Ugly is ugly.

You’re used to being ugly when everyone else eventually gets ugly
God may not like ugly, but he sure loves ugly people! History and nature is proof of that. Those of us that are lucky enough to reach old age, realize this. We all end up ugly. This usually has a devastating effect on the attractive. When so much of who you are and your self-worth is centered about your beauty– when it’s gone– you have nothing. Us ugly people had to develop personal and social skills which has enriched our souls. That’s the wind beneath our ugly wings that carry us through our golden years as we slip the surly bonds of earth.

So as far as being ugly goes, that’s the short and long of it. If you’re not one of the beautiful people, don’t fret. As you just read, you got a lot going for you! Just work hard and remember: Eventually, everyone else is going to be ugly too.

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