Friday, May 17, 2024

Bad Santa: 9 Super-Sketchy St. Nicks That Have No Jolly

When you think about it, Santa Claus is kind of terrifying. Any immortal and perennially jolly fat man dressed all in red and white who somehow replicates himself so that he can appear in thousands of malls around the world at the exact time is at the very least suspect, if not outright sketchy. Who but the devil or some other dark deity could harness such awesome power and persuade the earth’s children that he is not just a force for but also a judge of goodness? And that’s not even accounting for the fact that his entire existence is a lie—the first, no doubt, of many—that parents tell their kids, setting them up for a lifetime of betrayal and mistrust.

The Saint Nicks who look healthy and dapper in their red suits, hats, ruddy cheeks, and sparkling glasses, make their sketchiness even more insidious than their sloppy counterparts, the Santas who appear as though they just stumbled out of a bar at last call following a three-day bender. In a way, those dreary, red-eyed Klauses are the honest ones because they don’t try to or can’t hide the odd darkness inherent to their profession. Either way, it makes sense that babies often cry when they first encounter Santa; the very young always know the truth.

Here’s an old but still terrifying shot of Saint Nick and some kids.

This one is captioned, “Ned’s first visit to Santa (the three seconds he wasn’t screaming ?) #baby #christmas #scarysanta”

The screaming baby holding out his arms for rescue from his parents is a very smart baby. The Santa looks like death.

Even money this Santa is also a serial killer.


Run away, little girl, and don’t look back.

This Santa doesn’t even look like a human.

Fake ruddy cheeks was a bad idea.

Nothing scarier than a lurking Santa.


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