‘Give It A Butt Rope:’ How God Made Animals, According To Twitter

Ever look at a platypus and wonder: now how did that happen? A bill for a face, really? Once you start questioning it, you wonder how all animals were created, or at least why evolution stopped there exactly.

Thank goodness for Twitter, then, as we now have explanations for how all animals were made. The culprit behind the calamities might surprise you, though.

[god creating the platypus]

I'm feeling sad today. Put a duck bill on literally anything. Nothing matters.

— Caustic Soda (@Lye_to_me) September 30, 2016

God creating scorpions: The spiders turned out all right, huh?
Angel: Um, the feedback isn't so–
God: Felt like I was holding back, though.

— Charles Louis Richter (@richterscale) September 30, 2016

[creating anteaters]
GOD: youll never go hungry
ANTEATER: sweet
G: we'll call you anteater
A: too obvious
G: or dicknose
A: anteater is good

— rob elliott (@rockymomax) October 1, 2016

https://twitter.com/astamate/status/755807844004429824

https://twitter.com/Feebie_Jean/status/756669586515357696

https://twitter.com/johnfilmer/status/766557630890319872

[God creating praying mantis]
Make an insect that does karate
Angel: k
Now make it bite her husband's head off
Angel: dude we need to talk

— Bownuggets (@Bownuggets) January 11, 2016

"Stuff that rat into that dove." – God creating pigeons

— Arby’s Provocateur (@SamGrittner) March 21, 2015

[God Creating pandas]
God: A cow bear!
Angel: a what?
God: Did I fucking stutter?
Angel:
God: Take a cow and make it a bear.

— Caveman (@YungCaveman) July 11, 2016

[God creating spiders]
"Make it have 8 legs"
Seems excessive but ok
"And 8 eyes"
You need to calm down a li-
"Give it a butt rope"

— matt (@dogfather) June 18, 2016

[god making bats]
GOD: just like a hairy black potato with wings
ANGEL: um
GOD:
ANGEL: god?
GOD: also it sleeps upside down like an idiot

— Jackson (@yungshepherdboy) March 10, 2015

https://twitter.com/jonathanmonro/status/777188820039135232

https://twitter.com/themiltron/status/585656921962721281

https://twitter.com/freed4nte/status/778943224543113216

https://twitter.com/Ygrene/status/715531700906778627