Tuesday, November 28, 2023

Visualize The News: A Deep Dive On Taylor Swift Dating Drake And Making a Hip-Hop Album

Within our hyper-accelerated news culture, it can be tough to keep up with everything. But maintaining an informed populace remains vital to our culture. So for those stories that don’t quite need your undivided attention, we’re helping you digest stuff with GIFS, pics, and whatever qualifies as a quick fix. Remember: Knowing is half the battle. The other half: Laughing at funny memes.  

Taylor Swift might make a hip-hop/R&B album

Poke around the internet long enough and you’re sure to stumble into an outlandish story you’re praying isn’t true. The fake and real blur online, especially with the news. Mark Zuckerberg knows that. But thankfully rumors aren’t always true. Some rumors surface, causing a stir, and are never heard from again. Some rumors never trend.

Then there is a rumor like the following: Taylor Swift’s next album will be “a real mix of edgier hip-hop and R&B sounds.” Please allow us to walk you through the normal reaction to such an announcement.

Can I trust if this is real?


That answer is complicated. The (are these scare quotes big enough?) “news” that Taylor Swift is going hip-hop comes to us from British tabloid The Sun. Chances are you’re suspicious. You should be.

But everyone has already ran with it, at least entertaining that it’s a possibility. In other words, yes, a universe exists in which Swift becomes a (gulp) sensual, crooning R&B sanger and another where (gulp again) Taylor Swift raps. A third universe exists where these two universes collide and that’s what we call the apocalypse.

So we’re saying there’s a chance.

Has Taylor Swift rapped before?


Yes she has. Back in 2009, still a country sweetheart, Swift attempted her first big crossover. It was a song called “Thug Story,” a rap parody of her hit song “Love Story.” In it, Swift jokily raps, “I’m so gangsta you can find me baking cookies at night / You out clubbing? Well I just made caramel delight.”

Wait, why aren’t you laughing?

Anyways, another piece of information you need in your life: As a rapper, she called herself T-Sweezy. You’re welcome.

How is this B.oB.’s fault?

Fair, but more on this T-Sweezy please


An ongoing theory made up by me 30 seconds ago is that Taylor has been exploring a hip-hop image for some time now. Following the mega-success she found after ditching country and going pop on 2014’s enormous 1989 record, she wanted to make another big move. What’s bigger than pop music? Nothing. But the biggest genre after that? Hip-hop, duh. So Taylor flirted with the possibilities of a new image through her 1989 music videos.  

Exhibit A is the above GIF from her “Shake it Off” music video. Here, you can see the young Taylor crawling through twerking booties, really digging into the thickness of it all, learning what rap’s all about. She’s literally exploring what being hip-hop means. Say what you want about Tay Tay—“something, something loose appropriation”—but she really trusts the process.

Below is Exhibit B, cut from her (“iconic” doesn’t mean anything anymore) iconic music video “Bad Blood.” Just try not to says she’s not ready to create those “urban sounds” now.


How is this Drake’s fault?


Now you’re asking the important questions. This rumor was built on another rumor that is certainly PG, but should be rated NC-17: Taylor Swift and Drake might be dating. Yes, I’ll wait for you clean that puke off your screen. Good? Okay: Drake invited Taylor Swift to his 30th birthday party and introduced her to his mother and inner circle, sparking up the rumor mill.

Apparently it’s Drake who has been helping Taylor explore these hip hop and rap sounds, potentially collaborating on some tracks together. If this is true, these records will be wholly insufferable and you will hear them approximately 70 times a day. Even if you go off the grid, drones will fly by, blasting these songs, because a “Draylor” (yep, that’s we’re calling them) collaboration will be inescapable. So. You excited?


How will this hopefully end?


Just as it should.

The Rock named sexiest man alive

Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson is one of the hardest-working men in Hollywood. He has saved many franchises and will save many more. He is also the highest-paid actor in the world, according to Forbes.

Now, People magazine named Dwayne Johnson “The Sexiest Man Alive.” It is an accolade wholly earned, and fully meaningless.

This is not the first time The Rock has earned such supreme honors. Throughout his career, he’s earned so many superlatives, you possibly forgot a few. Here is a quick look back.

When the world knew The Rock was my favorite person:


When the world knew The Rock was really my favorite person:


And when the world knew The Rock was my favorite person who ever existed:


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