‘Sex’ and ‘accident’ are two words that should never ever be together. There are few things more cringeworthy than thinking about all the things that can go wrong in the bedroom (read: a lot) and how embarrassing they can be, but when physical harm enters the equation, it’s like the beginning of a horror movie.
Which is why we’ve made this list. Beware, you may never have sex again:
Penis Breakage
There’s an episode in” Grey’s Anatomy” that details how a character breaks his penis mid-sex, and it was funny because we thought that stuff only happened in fiction, but NO, it’s real. Alan Parke broke his penis mid-intercourse and his detailed retelling of the event is absolutely horrifying.>
“I heard it snap and there was blood everywhere!”
I’m gonna stop you there dude, we get the picture. This story has a silver lining though; Parke’s penis had to be put on a sling.
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Related Link: Study: Women Look At Porn On Their Phones More Than Men
Hickey Heart Attacks
A 44 year old woman in New Zealand was hooking up with her partner and she got a huge hickey out of it. All good? Okay, let’s proceed.
Two days later she’d lost all feeling on her left arm. Concerned, she paid a visit to her doctor where they were baffled by her symptoms; until they saw the hickey on her neck. The doctors explained that the love bite was located right on top of an important artery and that it had been so massive and brutal that it created a clot which led >to a minor stroke.
Kinky Electric Death Sex
That could be the name of a great heavy metal band, but no. Robert Taylor called the police in Pennsylvania in a panic, claiming that his wife had died electrocuted by her hair dryer. The police arrived at the crime scene and started realizing that Taylor’s story wasn’t making sense with the evidence, so they put some pressure on Taylor until he finally cracked, claiming that his wife was into some kinky shit.
The true cause of her death were a pair of nipple clamps, which electrocuted her. The company that made those clamps needs to be sued.
Condom Tragedy
Gary Ashbrook enjoyed inflating condoms with nitrous oxide and then putting them over his head. I guess he was looking for a laugh?
His roommates found him dead on his bed with his pants down and a condom clinging to his face. He’d had the genius idea of masturbating while wearing the condom where he’d deposited around 3 cans worth of nitrous oxide. You might have many questions, the most important one being: Why?
Murder by Mammaries
Donna Lange smothered her boyfriend to death with her boobs. The couple was drinking and hanging out with a couple of friends on their home on a Saturday afternoon when Lange decided to jump on top of her boyfriend for funsies. There was a lot of shouting involved so the police showed up on the crime scene after they received several complaint calls.
Lung Condom
A woman in India went to the hospital after having a cough and a runny nose that had been plaguing her for over 6 months. The doctors were shocked to find a condom lodged in one of her lungs, which she’d presumably inhaled mid-oral sex.
Does she have a vacuum for a mouth?
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Related Link: 6 Simple Tips For Super-Successful Online Dating
Kama Sutra
A woman was gifted with the Kama Sutra book on her 50th birthday. Her and her partner decided to try out some new things and flip through the book, where “The Deck Chair” position caught their eye. Mid-sex, the couple began to have muscle spasms and to cramp up, leaving them unable to move from their positions for over two hours. Finally, when they could move a little, they called the ambulance where they were transported to a hospital. There, some doctors detangled them from each other. I bet they had an interesting day.
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