On the off chances you don’t know him, allow me to introduce Stephen A. Smith. You may recognize him from such roles as Yelling “Blasphemous” And “LeBraaaaaawn James” with Stephen A. Smith and Why, In Fact, I Do Have A Contrarian Hot Take!!, both premiere programs on ESPN. He also hosts a SiriusXM radio program called Yep, I’m Still Yelling. Unlike most mediocre sports commentators, he doesn’t deliver opinions, but ecclesiastical sermons to his audience.
Don’t believe me? Just watch Smith when a listener questions if LeBron James handicaps the Los Angeles Lakers’ abilities to land marquee free agents. (A completely legitimate question, by the way.) He literally demands the man pray and repent. I wasn’t even involved in this interaction and I recited five Hail Marys after bearing witness to these sins.
This caller had the AUDACITY to question whether LeBron James might have handicapped the DAMN Lakers. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? pic.twitter.com/FvgOy9JDb2
— Stephen A Smith (@stephenasmith) November 28, 2018
Because our friend Stephen A. Smith was blessed with the ability to emit noises from his mouth 24/7/365 without water breaks or snacks—sources confirm he mumbles hot takes in his sleep—he sometimes records video Q&A’s for social media. Here is where Stephen A. Smith, or SAS for short, intersects with the world of cannabis.
One of SAS’s premiere catchphrases is telling athletes caught using cannabis to “STAY OFF THE WEEDUH!!!” Catchier than any Drake single and just as inspirational as any high school yearbook quote, I giggle every time he says it. Somehow he makes a single word like “weed” last longer than the entirety of War and Peace.
So when someone asked Smith’s thoughts on states legalizing cannabis, I couldn’t wait. So what if he’s argued against the NBA and NFL allowing its players to use the drug, even calling such an act “disgraceful”—he’s entertaining as hell!
— Stephen A Smith (@stephenasmith) November 27, 2018
Some parents tell their kids of watching the moon landing or attending that one crazy college football game. Not me. I’ll tell my kids how wonderful it is to watch Stephen A. Smith chastise athletes for smoking marijuana. Though he’ll grant that athletes can use it medicinally under doctor supervision, but should never, under any circumstances, consume it recreationally, I don’t care. Who is going to Stephen A. Smith for his nuance on the cannabis and sports debate? Who’s going to Stephen A. Smith for nuance at all?
I’m more concerned if he can say the word “weed” like a normal person, or if he can only pronounce it, “WEEDUH.” The record argues quite convincingly otherwise.
Trust me, I’m not the only Stephen A. Smith “weeduhead” out here. This is a thing. When J.R. Smith inexplicably cost the Cleveland Cavaliers Game 1 of the NBA Finals with the biggest boner in basketball history, we all waited to watch Smith on First Take. Surely a player like Smith, a man notorious for partying shirtless and downing Henny like it’s water, making a mistake like that was worthy of some old-fashioned SAS ire.
Taped in front of a live audience, fans were chanting the catchphrase, begging Stephen A. Smith to deliver the goods once more. He didn’t disappoint.
I hope Stephen A. Smith never stops talking about “WEEDUH” so long as he lives. We’ll all be better off for it.