Thursday, May 30, 2024

16 People, Places, And Things That Tried To Kill Fun

Fun is one tough mother-scratcher. How tough? Just consider the following times it came under assault, only to bounce back like the mother-scratching tough-ass thing it is. Fun is still around. It’s not going anywhere, current political climate be damned. All hail fun. And screw these other things.

1. Unicycles
Bicycles are perfectly fun, as is. Don’t fuck them up, please. Also: you look stupid riding that thing.

2. Watermelon salad
Why take a really, very delicious food and add other shit to it?*

3. Dabbing
It used to be cool and fun. Now it’s not:

4. Having a parrot on your shoulder
Are you a pirate? No? Didn’t think so.

5. Sorbet
What ice cream not fun enough for you?

6. Longboards
Nope, not fun. Kinda dumb, actually.

7. Sean Hannity
Even his colleagues don’t think he’s a real journalist. And broadcast journalists used to be fun, in a manner. They were people you wanted to hang out with. Walter Cronkite was fun, in a very sober way. Sean Hannity probably hates fun. Imagine hanging out with Sean Hannity.

8. Teeth
Without them, we’d never have to visit the dentist and could just drink smoothies all the time. So fun.

9. The sun
It should be fun but it’s so dangerous.

10. Ticks
Lyme disease, man. Fuck that.

11. Sweet cocktails
They may seem like your friend for a minute, but they aren’t.

12. Delaware
Be honest: when is the last time you had fun in Delaware?

13. Children
If anyone should just be having fun all the time and not complaining, it’s children. And yet.

14. Cubicles
And really, walls of all kinds. Just make it harder to see stuff. Not so fun.

15. Bars with televisions
Bars were invented to be places for people to come together, share some spirits, and talk. They were meant to be neighborhood meeting places for communities to discover who their neighbors are and to embrace one another—warts and bitters and all—in this struggle we call life. Putting a blaring, conversation-killing television in a bar is like making phones that no one uses to talk on. Oh, wait. Fuck.

16. This post
Yeah, sorry about all this bitching. We’re just feeling a little ornery over here at TFT headquarters today. Perhaps we had too many drinks, too many laughs, and not enough sleep last night. See, we had a Fresh Toast launch party last night. And you know what? It was fun.

*Contributed by Taylor Berman, who also hates it when you add pepper to his sandwich, without asking if he wants pepper. 




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