Sometimes you have the right vibe and it seems everyone wants to go out with you – but how many can you really juggle?
Dating apps, parties, or sometimes at the grocery store, you can meet a potential partner. When your vibe is right, you go through a true feast period, and when it is off, a dry spell. But during the good times, how many people can you date at one time?
There are ton of dating apps from Match.com to one for furries to help them find the perfect partner. Match is the largest and statistically the best due to their data base. But they are ones for Indians to date, Indians to marry, people who consume weed, boomers, ones based on credit scores and more. The choice of online is enormous, and it doesn’t count the people you meet in real life. Parties, gatherings, your aunt who wants to set you up and the grocery store. And for the Gen Z population, they are way more open to dating everyone. But is our brain really built to have some many options???
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No one says you can’t date 8,9, or 10 people at the same time. You can go all Samantha in Sex In The City, but there are hurdles. Too many options in the roster could lead to being overwhelmed and defeat the purpose of getting to know them and yourself better via time. The risk of forgetting details about your various dates is significant and can lead to awkward encounters. The number of people to truly date which most people can handle is three.
Mathematicians study the data and comes to a conclusion. The 37% rule claims if you’re planning to go on 10 dates, you should enjoy the first three (3.7) but don’t make any commitments. Then, the very next person you date who is better than any of those three should be the one you choose to settle with. According to the research, this is the perfect statistical balance between being exploratory and exploitative.
Helen Fisher, a sex expert and scientific consultant for Match.com, shares brains aren’t equipped to have so many options. “The problem is, the human brain is not built to even cope with so many choices. The brain has a sweet spot, apparently between five and nine alternatives, and after that, you don’t choose any,” she says on the podcast Sex with Emily.
Fisher recommends after chatting with the 9th person you should stop and get to know at least one of them more. “The more you get to know somebody, the more you like them, and the more that you think that they like you,” she says.
Another recommendation she gives out is to remain positive on first dates, ignoring minor quibbles such as mismatched shoes, a photo with a bad angle on their profile, or someone who doesn’t dress according to your tastes.
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While we tend to be negative about these issues, there’s no way of knowing if this person is right for you on a first date, and they might surprise you as you grow more comfortable with each other and get to know them more. “If it is a maybe, go out again,” she suggests.
Dating doesn’t include first dates….but second, third and fourth dates should be a lower number. Also, if you are online and someone sparks your interest, meet them in the first two weeks. Otherwise you build up who you think they are and it may be a massive disappointment when you meet in real life.
