Don’t tell Philly they can’t soak their butts in non-traditional vessels. It won’t end well.
Philadelphia officials dared try to stop the dumpster pool trend, a seasonal favorite among the city’s sweaty and budget-conscious. In a delightful summertime game of garbage-y innovation, Philly residents rose to the challenge and started swimming in pickup truck beds, instead.
In case you’re blissfully uninitiated with this innovative practice, the premise is brilliant in its simplicity: Line a large vessel with a tarp, fill it with water, add friends plus the mood-enhancing substances of your choice, and enjoy.
“Every year we try to better ourselves,” Justyn Myers, a dumpster block party host, told USA Today. “Last year my pickup truck was a pool, so this year we were like the pickup was cool, but it wasn’t that big, so what could be bigger.” Justyn, please write a self-help book based on this endeavor.
The Department of Licenses and Inspections (and fun killing?) started refusing to issue permits for trashy pool parties. “We are not screwing around, Philly,” said communications director Karen Guss. You don’t scare ’em that easy, Guss — Philadelphia magazine reported that the swimmers moved to pickup trucks as an alternative.
You may ask these hometown heroes, “Wouldn’t it be a better idea to just go to a public pool?” You lost me at “better idea,” but to answer this obvious question, no, because then you aren’t in a dumpster or a pickup truck. See the point?
Correlation isn’t causation, but this does come right on the heels of Pennsylvania grocery stores finally getting permits to sell and ship wine. Pennsylvanians can now hit up their local Giant, get a cart-load of Rex Goliath, hop over to the Lowe’s for a big-ass tarp and take that whole jawn down to the parking lot for a good time.