Monday, April 15, 2024

Untapped: 9 Places We Wish Served Alcohol, But Don’t (Yet)

The Happiest Place On Earth is living up to its name by including more alcohol to its restaurant roster.

According to the Orlando Sentinel, four more restaurants at Walt Disney World’s Magic Kingdom will begin serving wine and beer December 23.  If Santa’s working the taps, it will be the merriest of Christmases!

Here are 9 other places we think should be serving alcohol, for obvious reasons.

Apple Store

Since we spend so much time here anyway, why not turn that Genius Bar into the real thing. A couple bottles of liquor, a few beers on draught and some wine is all it will take to turn a grizzly crowd of techno-gripers into subdued drunks. “You spilled coffee on your keyboard? Here, have some of this Pinot Noir to make it all better.” It really is that simple.

Forever 21

Everyone who shops here is of legal drinking age, yes?

Cost Plus World Market

Imagine what their international beer selection would look like!

Trader Joe’s

Fearless Flyer needs to be the name of a bar. Plus, think of all the refreshing drinks they could make with coconut water and cheap wine! Make it a double, Bartender Joe!


Nothing will take the sting off that $400 tank top purchase like a neat whiskey. Bonus: personalized glassware!

Home Depot

Just keep the bar away from the electric saws. Unless you have to build it first? Could be a cool schtick.


This might be a shit show waiting to happen, but the people watching alone would make this the best bar in town, no? Plus, we’re gonna need something to wash down all those deep-fried Oreos.



As one Fresh Toast editor puts it: “You don’t know what kind of person you are until you go to Target with a little cash and a nice buzz.”


But seriously. How does anyone shop here without being drunk? Alcohol > soft serve.


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