Wasp Swarms And Poop: August 1 was a weird day for Wolverhampton, UK.
A woman called the West Midlands Police to report a shitty situation: Someone was leaving steamy presents in her yard.
“I don’t know whether I’m making a big fuss, I’ve been out outside to put rubbish in the containers and there’s been a lot of excreta in the garden and I’m wondering whether it’s dogs, or if it’s humans or what,” the woman says in the emergency dispatcher recording. “It is really making me feel sick. I don’t know whether I’m making a terrible fuss.”
Other disgruntled townspeople’s complaints from that day, according to the local newspaper Express & Star, included bad haircuts, broken clocks, too-loud ice cream truck music, and “two million wasps.”
Unfortunately, the police couldn’t make time to detain millions of wasps. “There are no criminal offenses we can arrest them for,” the dispatcher says in a tweet.
— West Midlands Police (@WMPolice) August 2, 2016
Other recent calls to the department include a standoff with a knife-wielding man on his roof and someone not Lovin’ It:
Just had a 999 call from someone reporting they had been short changed in a Fast Food restaurant. #thinkbeforeyoucall
— WMP Force Contact (@WMPContact) July 28, 2016
Apparently, this day wasn’t unique to the West Midlands Police. Dumb calls are a serious problem for the department’s crime-reporting phone line. “We take literally hundreds of spurious calls a month,” WM Police Head of Force Contact Chief Superintendent Jim Andronov told the Express & Star. Their message to people with nightmare bee swarms or poop-filled yards: Google it first.