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How To Work The Week Between Christmas And New Year’s

Taylor Berman
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How To Work The Week Between Christmas And New Year’s

Unless you have an important job, like scientist or doctor, the week between Christmas and New Year’s is pretty much worthless, work-wise. What are you going to do, fill out a spreadsheet or whatever when no one else is working and you know another sweet day or two off is right around the corner? No, you are not. You are going to slack off. But how can you do that effectively? If you read on, we’ll tell you.

Get Your Work Done Before Christmas

We can’t guess what kind of work you do because we’re not mind-readers, but we hope you have a job where you can get a lot of work done ahead of time. Like, if you can stock-pile blog posts or, uh, file out the finance reports early or sign all those law briefs (?). This will give plent of time to do nothing in those days between holidays.

Pretend Like You’re Busy


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We pray that you’ve already mastered the Art of Looking busy, but if not we can help. An important step is always keep something official looking open on your computer and on your desk; when your boss comes by to interrupt whatever bullshit you were doing (reading The Fresh Toast, stalking your ex on Facebook, trying to win back your ex on Facebook by sending her Fresh Toast links, etc), you’re only a click or quick paper shuffle away from looking busy.

Work From Home

If you can, work remotely this week. It’ll save you from commuting in the cold (unless you live some place warm, in which case please stop bragging), and help solve the aforementioned looking busy problem. But the real perk is afternoon power naps, which will help you save energy for the weekend to come.

Take a Sick Day


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Why not! Plus, your vacation/sick days might not roll over into the new year.

Bribe Your Boss With Booze

This might not work, but it’s worth a shot. If you are successful, what halfway decent boss wouldn’t let you take off early after you give them a bottle of something nice/trick them into downing a few shots at work?

Sneak Out Early

Florida Woman Allowed To Keep Gator Named Rambo

Taylor Berman
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Florida Woman Allowed To Keep Gator Named Rambo

“Vroom, vroom,” Rambo the Christmas-loving, motorcycle riding gator probably said to himself upon hearing the news that his owner, Mary Thorn, had been issued a personal pet license, allowing her legally to keep the nearly six-foot-long reptile at her Lakeland, Florida home.

The Orlando Sentinel reports that Thorn has owned Rambo since 2004, when she rescued him and eventually trained him to become a mostly domesticated pet. But the gator has since outgrown Thorn’s home according to Florida law, which requires alligators longer than four feet to have at least 2.5 acres of land available to them.

Thorn hired an attorney and pleaded her case with the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission, who this week agreed to grant her an exemption if she abides by certain rules.

“He can’t go out and do public things anymore,” she told the Sentinel. “He can’t be one-on-one with people and his mouth has to be taped shut. He used to do pictures with kids and stuff like that, but no more.”

Rambo is well-known in his neighborhood for his colorful outfits, which include cool guy biker leather jackets and Santa costumes, both of which Thorn claims prevent sunburn. She would also drive places with the gator strapped securely to her motorcycle, another activity the state has banned—now she’ll have to transport him in the back of her car if she needs to take him anywhere.

Despite the new limitations, Thorn isn’t complaining.

“In order to keep him I’m not going to argue with them too much,” she said. “All in all it’s going to be a merry Christmas because Rambo is here.”

5 Reasons Why It Sucks Christmas Is On A Sunday

Taylor Berman
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5 Reasons Why It Sucks Christmas Is On A Sunday

The major holidays—Christmas, the Jewish High Holy days, Easter, New Year’s, Thanksgiving are the most important days of the year not just because of the religious and cultural significance they represent but also because they get you out of work. Here are the five reasons why it sucks that Christmas this year.

1. No Extra Time Off

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As we just noted, the extra time off around the holidays is part of what makes them so special. You can add an extra day or two to your trip, or just enjoy the additional time by yourself.

RELATED: Great Fall Whiskeys

2. You Can’t Use Sunday as a Recovery Day

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Sure, some employers will give you Monday off, but had Christmas fallen on Thursday or Friday you’d have a whole two days to recover. Plus, Sundays are designed as days of recovery/preparation for the hell to come–why else would it be a day filled with professional football games and prestige dramas and comedies on premium cable?

3. Hangovers

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For many of us, returning home for the holidays means going out for old high school and neighborhood friends for drinks. More often than not such outings result in terrible hangovers. With Christmas falling the day after the best drinking day (Saturday), this is a recipe for a hangover that you’ll then have to suffer through as you deal with dozens of repetitive questions from different family members. No thanks.

RELATED: Science Says Medical Marijuana Improves Quality Of Life

4. Church

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If over the years you’ve become adept at making excuses to miss Christmas Eve or Day church ceremonies, you’re likely shit out luck when the big day falls on an actual Sunday. If you do think of a good excuse to get out of it, please let me know at taylor@thefreshtoast.com

5. The Realization That a Sunday Christmas Also Means a New Year’s Day on Sunday

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Damn. At least Thanksgiving is always on a Thursday, I guess.

Watch James Franco And Bryan Cranston Eat Insanely Spicy Chicken Wings

Taylor Berman
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Watch James Franco And Bryan Cranston Eat Insanely Spicy Chicken Wings

To promote their new movie Why Him?, James Franco and Bryan Cranston stopped by First We Feast’s Hot Ones to answer questions about the film and, more importantly, to eat a ton of wings doused in various hot sauces on camera.

First they tried Sriracha coated wings. Not a big deal, right? Right, except for Franco, who had to take a sip of milk. “I’m already dying,” he said.

The second hot sauce, Hot Ones own signature sauce, clearly affected the duo, especially Franco, who had to chug more milk. However, it was the third sauce, called Pain 100%, that really seemed to distract the 127 Hours star, causing him to repeatedly pause during an anecdote he was sharing.

Cranston finally cracked after trying something called Mad Dog 357—“That is hot,” he said—but Franco once again took it worse, and immediately downed an entire glass of milk.

Somewhat surprisingly, the final and hottest hot sauce, Blair’s Mega Death Sauce With Liquid Rage, didn’t seem to have much of an impact on the two. Watch the full clip below.

 

Fresh Playlist: Kid Cudi Finally Slays His Demons, Big Sean Lives Single

Brendan Bures
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Fresh Playlist: Kid Cudi Finally Slays His Demons, Big Sean Lives Single

With new music flying like warp-speed through the various channels of the Internet, it can be hard to keep up. But worry not! Each week The Fresh Toast will deliver the most-discussed and exciting songs that have recently dropped. Landed. Crashed. And also: soared. Enjoy. 

Kid Cudi ft. Willow Smith—“Rose Golden”

Following Kid Cudi for the past several years has been an art of self-denial. After releasing two Man on the Moon records—genre-stirring albums that melodically twisted the DNA structures of rap forever—Cudi seemed to act more as self-saboteur. It was almost like he wanted to actively undermine whatever outsiders thought of him. Oh y’all think I’m a rapper—well I’m forming a rock group. His maligned WZRD side project doesn’t need further beating, but Cudi spent albums trying to prove he could make the indie rock sound work—Indicud, Speedin’ Bullet 2 Heaven—and it was everyone else who wasn’t getting it yet.

This is Cudi’s operating mode: a gifted, sensitive guy wishing the world might understand him, but never believing it does. When used in genuine and vulnerable context, it reveals a highly relatable artist. When it doesn’t click, he comes across as a petulant, annoying teenager.

But Passion, Pain, and Demon Slayin’ returns Cudi to that cohesive, engaging plane. Recruiting his old production partner Plain Pat and Kanye associate Mike Dean, Cudi creates an ambient, expansive world listeners can explore. While it’s slightly bloated—what Cudi project isn’t?—Passion shows Cudi embracing his gifts fans love rather than throwing middle fingers their direction. Assists from Travis Scott, Andre 3000, and Pharrell Williams round out the project when it could slip into redundancy. Cudi has found his voice—and hums—once again.

Big Sean ft. Chance the Rapper, Jeremih—“Living Single”

This was a track that leaked earlier in the year, but now receives a proper release. Sean is in full album rollout mode, officially announcing his fourth studio album I Decided for February 3, 2017. He’s released a slew of singles, and “Living Single” is the best yet. Instead of the hyped-up underdog Sean plays on “Bounce Back” and “No More Interviews,” he’s laid-back, self-deprecating here. It’s more pleasant, and relatable than Sean complaining about drama surrounding him dating A-list celebrities. Jeremih provides the buttery, buttery hook, and Chance grounds the record in his typical nostalgia, though it isn’t his best bars.

Matt Champion—“Mansions”

A standout within Kevin Abstract-led Brockhampton, Matt Champion has slowly crafted an exciting potential around himself through these SoundCloud singles. “Mansions” welcomes listeners in, anticipating just what Champion has in store for 2017. Hopefully it’s a debut album.

Chance the Rapper & Jeremih—“I Shoulda Left You”

We wrote about Chance and Jeremih’s surprise Christmas mixtape yesterday, so we won’t belabor the point. But since dropping, this hasn’t stopped spinning.

The most essential daily news, entertainment, pop culture, and culture coverage. Want more? Check out “A Study Of 2016: The Year America’s Pop Stars Went Weird,” “Southwest Pilot Congratulates Passengers For Drinking Every Last Drop Of Booze On Board,” and “13 Christmas Hip-Hop Songs You Need For The Holidays”

Portlandia Christmas Miracle: Weed Delivery Services Now Legal

Al Olson
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Portlandia Christmas Miracle: Weed Delivery Services Now Legal

Santa won’t be able to deliver marijuana to homes in Portland this year, but next year will be different.

On Wednesday, the Portland City Council voted unanimously to allow cannabis delivery services.

The new ordinance allows “marijuana retail couriers” to deliver cannabis products to homes . These businesses could from 8 a.m. to 8 p.m.

“Courier” operators are allowed to grow cannabis and make cannabis products, but will be required to remain a delivery-only service. Brick and mortar retailers will not be allowed to offer the service.

“Since the state regulations keep changing and the industry keep flourishing, we’ll be coming back with multiple changes I’m sure,” Commissioner Amanda Fritz said. “I look forward to that time.”

The ordinance is designed to expand the cannabis industry to “microbusiness entrepreneurs.” These new businesses will be subject to most of the same regulations as storefront retailers.

The new law is expected to go into effect early next year.

Earlier this month, the Oregon Department of Revenue reported that tax payments totaled $54.5 million from Jan. 1 through Nov 30, $13.8 million more than the Legislative Revenue Office had projected.

No Reindeer Needed: Watch Drone Pull Santa Claus Across The Mountain

Brendan Bures
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No Reindeer Needed: Watch Drone Pull Santa Claus Across The Mountain

Humans manufacture drones for many purposes. Some reasons are nefariously about money, like Amazon’s drone delivery, while other times dudes just want to surf.

That’s the gambit Casey Neistat and company played but with a twist: what if they surfed powder instead of water? Assembling a drone powerful enough to pull a human across snow, the YouTuber and filmmaker rides through the winter village as a snowboarding Santa Claus

The most impressive moment of the video comes when Neistat holds on as the drone lifts higher and higher, until Neistat is flying through the air. He literally becomes a flying Santa Claus, delivering holiday cheer. The footage was shot around a small Finland ski village that looks straight out of a Normal Rockwell painting.

Neistat pushes the envelope, with the help of Jesse Wellens, utilizing 360-degree cameras and selfie sticks to really push viewers into the moment. It’s an impressive feat, especially when Neistat rides up the mountain while other non-drone-assisted zoom past him on his sides. If you’re looking for some holiday cheer, but with an extreme action bent, this is your video.

 

The most essential daily news, entertainment, pop culture, and culture coverage. Want more? Check out “A Study Of 2016: The Year America’s Pop Stars Went Weird,” “Southwest Pilot Congratulates Passengers For Drinking Every Last Drop Of Booze On Board,” and “13 Christmas Hip-Hop Songs You Need For The Holidays”

Hoppy Holidays: 7 Surprising Products Made With Beer And Cider

Jacob Uitti
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Hoppy Holidays: 7 Surprising Products Made With Beer And Cider

When you put beer into humans, they get happy. That’s simple, right? And when you put cider into humans, they get happy, too! But what happens when you put beer or cider into other things, like soap, lip balm or even pickles? What magical concoctions occur? What treasures of the world are produced? In order to answer these questions, some innovative breweries and companies have been experimenting for our benefit. So, let’s take a closer look and find out what’s what with these six mind-blowing items.

Pike Brewing’s Stout Beer Soap

https://www.instagram.com/p/2Wrm8YDp8K

Soap is supposed to smooth skin and invigorate. That’s great because that’s exactly what hops can do too. Hops both flavor and preserve beer (India Pale Ales are called such because they withstood the long journey from the U.K. to India during colonization) and, as such, they work well in soaps, too. So, the lovely people at Pike Brewing made the Pike XXXXX Extra Stout soap, combining Pike’s stout with palm oil, olive oil and coconut oil. Bath time, anyone?

Brooklyn Brine Co. Pickles

https://www.instagram.com/p/BODP4fXDBQH

It’s been proven that when people eat they want a story. Why just have a PB&J when you can have a PB&J and learn that the peanut butter is made from peanuts planted by George Washington Carver? And this is exactly why you should put pickles on your plate made from IPA and Cascade hop oil. Spark the imagination with hoppy pickles this holiday season!

Beauty and the Bees Beer Shampoo Bar

https://www.instagram.com/p/BKWzbi-hkfg

In college, you hear about people who like to crack open a frosty can of beer to drink before they take a shower. It’s part of the whole S-S-S routine (I’ll let you Google it, if you don’t know what I’m talking about). But this Tasmanian company has taken the idea to the next level with their beer shampoo bar, which, they say, revives dry hair. And while it might seem weird to have a shampoo bar (and not liquid), let’s just go with it.

Finnriver Cider-Infused Lip Balm

https://www.instagram.com/p/BOVmBMyg0eL

The people of Finnriver Cidery are some of the sweetest you’ll ever meet. They have a toasty tap room, which just opened a few miles from their farm and cidery. At the taproom you can buy cider-infused soaps and liquors as well as cider-infused lip balms. While the Finnriver folks are working to get their non-quaffable products online, you can call them to order their lip balm (360-732-4337), a necessity for anyone who adores their lavender and black current cider, which is everyone!

Nunu Chocolates

https://www.instagram.com/p/zP_YU5uhZa

This Brooklyn shop combines craft beer with soft, smooth ganache. Need we say more? IT’S BEER AND CHOCOLATE, PEOPLE!

Potlicker Kitchen Beer Jelly

https://www.instagram.com/p/BH5pcvphmIv

Time for a snack! While I know most beer drinkers aren’t up in time for jelly in the morning for breakfast, it’s the perfect sweet treat to try for afternoon tea. This Vermont company uses beer to make jellies that accompany other snack items like crackers, bagels, toast and fromage (that’s French for cheese! Who knew you’d also be getting a linguists lesson here, too?).

Dark Matter Coffee

https://www.instagram.com/p/BNU3a7YhIqu/?taken-by=darkmattercoffee

This out-of-the-bag-thinking company works with local brewers to age and flavor its coffee beans in beer barrels. Of course, beer barrels were one of the original flavoring ingredients in beer so maybe it’s genius or maybe it’s foolish to harken back to them. Either way, we want a cup! And, besides, coffee is used to flavor all sorts of dark, wintry beers, so why not return the favor?

See It: Russian Fisherman Posts Pictures Of Terrifying Alien Fish Monsters

Brendan Bures
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See It: Russian Fisherman Posts Pictures Of Terrifying Alien Fish Monsters

Russian fisherman Roman Fedortsov posts on social media like most of us—sharing the beautiful and fun and weird we encounter in our daily lives. But Fedortsov’s job separates him in one distinct manner: he catches fish that might be aliens, or evil mythic creatures, or beasts that make me never want to swim in the ocean again.

Apparently the type of fish Fedortsov comes across is rather routine for a deep sea fisherman. The ocean’s darkest waters contains numerous animals we don’t have names for and so this shouldn’t be sur—WHAT IS THAT?? Terrifying Alien Fish Monsters, that’s what.

Please for love of humanity kill it. All life matters and deserves a shot to survive and humans shouldn’t act as arbiters of species but…let’s just all agree we could do without that one.

Okay and probably this one, too. We don’t need this one.

You may be alarmed that Fedortsov handles these creatures long enough to snap photos. This is because you’re a god-fearing human. But Fedortsov also holds these mutations bare-handed.

“it’s just a #halibut, and looks like a cyclops…” writes Fedortsov. The rest of the caption is in Russian, but should probably just say, “Why am I holding this without gloves again?”

According to Fox News, the below picture is an “offshore spider,” which why is that thing? Anyways, while holding this offshore spider—seriously why?—Fedortsov wrote, “hopefully not poisonous.”

https://www.instagram.com/p/BOMCQshAj9Y/?taken-by=roman_fedortsov

Yeah, buddy. Hopefully not poisonous. This is like hugging a grizzly bear while dripping in honey and wearing a salmon suit. To clarify—not a pinkish-hued suit. I mean a suit literally made of salmon fish. “Hopefully bear doesn’t eat me!”

You’ll want to check out Fedortsov’s feed. Because as much as we joke about his carefree attitude handling these things, they are a sight to behold. They resemble monsters Guillermo del Toro or Stephen King might think up. I honestly thought this guy was a boss from Shadow of the Colossus.

Anyways, a few of our (terrifying) favorites are posted below. Nothing like some scary sea creatures to get you in the Christmas spirit!

 

The most essential daily news, entertainment, pop culture, and culture coverage. Want more? Check out “A Study Of 2016: The Year America’s Pop Stars Went Weird,” “Southwest Pilot Congratulates Passengers For Drinking Every Last Drop Of Booze On Board,” and “13 Christmas Hip-Hop Songs You Need For The Holidays”

7 Christmas Tree Alternatives That Will Make The Holiday Weird

TFT Editors
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7 Christmas Tree Alternatives That Will Make The Holiday Weird

Most of us can agree that Christmas trees are great. There’s the piney smell, the strong association with family and time off from work, and, of course, the joy of decorating them.

But for many of us, buying a real tree each year presents problems. Perhaps we feel strongly about the perceived environmental damage, or we don’t have the room in our tiny NYC apartments, or we simply don’t want to go through the trouble when we’ll be spending the actual holiday elsewhere. Whatever the reason for owning one, fake Christmas trees are a nice alternative to the real items. But once you get outside the realm of real plants, you can find some very weird options for Christmas tree alternatives. Let’s explore some of the strangest.

Christmas Llama

Llama Sleigh Ride Christmas Ornament – DELIGHTFUL!

Buy Llama Sleigh Ride Christmas Ornament – DELIGHTFUL!: Ornaments – Amazon.com ✓ FREE DELIVERY possible on eligible purchases

One of our staff members picked a Christmas Llama as her tree alternative this year. While we remain unclear what exactly a Christmas Llama is, we admire the name it was given: Floopington Reginald III.

Trashcan Wrapped in Christmas Lights

Almost everyone already has a trashcan*. Why not add some red and green decorative flair to it to turn it into a Christmas tree substitution? We can’t think of a good reason why not, aside for possible sanitary reasons.

*I don’t, but that’s a long story.

Holiday Wreath Tied to Drone Flying Around Your Living Room

If you feel traditional Christmas decorations aren’t modern enough, this one is for you. Simply tie your decorated wreath to the drone and fly that sucker around your house whenever you have company. Important to note that The Fresh Toast is not liable for injuries that result from such a decoration.

Kid’s Drawing of Christmas Tree

Photo by Flickr user Thomas Widmann

Why bother with a real tree when you can have a child draw one? Sure, it won’t look very much like a real tree, but it’ll probably be funny.

Attach Decorations To Your Cat

Photo by Flickr user Pete

A rude idea, sure, but it’ll probably be a big hit with everyone except for your cat. Just please put a holiday sweater on your cat first, and then attach the decorations to the sweater (as opposed to its fur).

Paint Your Menorah Red and Green

Get you a holiday decoration that can do both.

Hire a Santa Claus Impersonator To Stand Very Still in the Corner of Your Living Room

Photo by Flickr user Kelly Sue DeConnick

This is the priciest and creepiest option, but it’s also perhaps the most festive one? Just imagine: Your own private Santa, standing very still in the corner of your living room for the four weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas.

If you have other ideas for a great Christmas tree alternative, please let us know at taylor@thefreshtoast.com.

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