Two weeks after posting photos on Facebook of a man sunbathing in only “a homemade, clear plastic wrap bikini” in the hopes of identifying him, a New Jersey police department finally has their man.
The Asbury Park Pressreports Beach Haven police arrested Stephen Wojciehowski, 59, on Wednesday of last week on suspicion of lewdness. On September 14th, the police department began their investigation after receiving “information provided by several eyewitnesses” about a man spotted sunbathing in only a transparent, plastic bathing suit at a local beach; two days later they posted edited photos of the shameless exhibitionist on Facebook, which apparently led to Stephen Wojciehowski’s arrest.
“Based on the reported information, Stephen Wojciehowski spent two days on the beach, wearing a homemade, clear plastic wrap bikini, where his genitals were clearly exposed and observed by the public, on the public beach,” the department announced on Facebook after his arrest. Wojciehowski was released pending a court date.
During Saturday Night Live’s cold open, Alec Baldwin debuted his Donald Trump impersonation and Kate McKinnon revived her Hillary Clinton to recreate the first presidential debate. It was as good and mean as you’d hoped.
When Michael Che’s Lester Holt introduced Hillary as someone who has “been battling pneumonia,” McKinnon-as-Clinton staggered out with a cane and a cough before ditching both to do a somersault. “I’m better than ever, let’s do this!” she shouted.
The real savage stuff was, as you’d expect, reserved for Trump. First, Holt welcomed him as “the man responsible for the bottom half of his kids’ faces.” The Republican candidate then boasted that he was “going to be so calm and so presidential that all of you watching are going to cream your jeans.”
Later, Baldwin’s Trump attempted to explain how he told Fox News’ Sean Hannity about his opposition to the Iraq War. “I told him in private,” he said. “It was just me and Sean late at night and I leaned over, whispered in his ear, ‘Sean, I’m against the war in Iraq.’ And then he whispered in my ear, ‘I’m against the way too.’ And the next thing I knew I was kissing Sean Hannity.”
When Holt asked about why he thought his temperament was better than Clinton’s, Trump said: “Because it is. I have the judgement and temperament She’s the one with the bad temperament. She’s always screaming. She’s always lying. Her face is completely orange except for around the eyes where it’s white. And when she stops talking her mouth looks like a tiny, little butthole.”
The show also lampooned Trump’s racism. “The thing about the blacks is that they’re killing each other,” he said. “They all live on one street in Chicago. It’s called Hell Street. And they’re just killing each other, just like I’m killing this debate.” He also regularly referred to Holt as “Jazzman” and “Coltrane.”
Making Saturday Night Live funny again might be the only silver lining to this hellish campaign season. Watch the full fake debate below, and then revisit the real Hillary Clinton’s interview on Between Two Ferns.
Because of millennials or the gig economy or some dumb Silicon Valley faux wisdom, or all three reasons, co-working spots are now all the rage. In fact, I’m writing this in a co-working space. They have obvious perks: free coffee and beer, nice bathrooms, sometimes cute dogs run around. But, like any spot in which strangers are forced to spend all day together, you sometimes get a few assholes who ruin everything. Here are a few things you can do to ensure that you do not become one of those assholes.
1. Be Quiet
Being quiet is the easiest thing to do in the world—just don’t make any noise!—and yet people have so much fucking trouble doing it. No one is saying the co-working place has to be quiet likea library or monastery; you should be able to have a quick conversation with colleague or answer your phone as you make your way to a phone booth or designated talking area. Please note the emphasis on “quick” and “as you make your way”—do not linger with your loud bullshit. Last week, a man made not one but two lengthy and loud calls from a shared space, and both were about crickets. No one wants to hear two 30-minute calls about anything, much less one about bugs. Be quiet, man!
2. Don’t Sit So Close To Me
If there are plenty of open seats and tables available, do not sit directly next to or across from a random person. Why would you do that? How is it even possible that you think something like that is a good idea? Do I look lonely? Am I at your lucky table? Before you answer any of these questions, get up and move the fuck away.
3) Mute Your Phone and Computer
Does your phone go “ding” when you get a text message? Does your Slack or Gchat make a sound every time you get a message? Are you currently in a communal area where people are working and its generally understood that you should be making as little noise as possible? If you answered yes to all three questions, then you are a bad person.
As noted above, any unnecessary sounds are unwelcome in a co-working space, but a notification sound that is literally the same one that every other person in the room has is especially obnoxious. Every text or Slack message you gets sends us reaching for our phones. Mute your shit.
4) Don’t Be Gross
Personally, I have not experienced this but a colleague told me she recently watched in horror as a man drenched in sweat—like he’d just gone for a long run or something—sat his sweat-covered body onto one of the nice couches where people sit when they need a break from the regular desks. Ew. Don’t do that.
5) Avoid Smelly Lunch Foods
The other week a woman sitting at my table interrupted whatever important thing I was probably doing with the following warning about her lunch: “I’m about to eat some tuna. Let me know if it smells too bad.” I kind of appreciate the gesture but…maybe don’t bring smelly-ass food for lunch in the first place? Seems easy to do with so many other options out there.
This concludes my lesson on how to avoid being a dickhead in your co-working space. I’m sure we’ll all be considerate and cool now, and work will finally be fun for everyone.
Celebrities are just like us. They take pictures of their food and post them on Instagram. And unlike typical press photos, it appears their food pics are unfiltered, not staged, and often taken in imperfect lighting, which makes them fun to look at. Here are some of our favorites.
1. Serena Williams’ Japanese dinner. #notsurewhatitisbutitspretty
https://www.instagram.com/p/BGZrxmWsTOe/
2. Chelsea Handler’s pile-o-subs. #nofilter
https://www.instagram.com/p/m8VOkio5BN/
3. Amy Schumer’s barbecue with Aziz Ansari. #sarinotsari
https://www.instagram.com/p/88wpArqUJm/
4. Adam Levine’s birthday cake in bed. #itfuckinruledguys
https://www.instagram.com/p/BDI-ACFKjfw/
5. Dwayne Johnson’s carbs. #lightsnack
https://www.instagram.com/p/BIjBon9DkZk
6. Victoria Beckham’s brownies. #whoactuallymadethese
https://www.instagram.com/p/BGcAcUeliG_/
7. Kerry Washington’s #burgercake.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BIym35vhyT8/
8. Jimmy Fallon’s doughnuts. #pdx
https://www.instagram.com/p/hgxo05vZ1_/
9. Chrissy Teigen’s crab boil. #notababypic
https://www.instagram.com/p/BE9kVQaJjQr/
10. Aziz Ansari’s food coma. #whossarinow
https://www.instagram.com/p/BDO6P_lyRG2/
11. Minday Kaling’s bathtub of berries. #omfgwhatisthis
https://www.instagram.com/p/BDMKre0JQ1P/
12. Gisele’s raw chocolate dessert. #shedoesnteatflour
Its skillful use of ‘80s nostalgia was one of the reasons Stranger Things was such a huge hit, so it makes sense that someone—like one of those nerd children all grown up—would recreate the show as an 8-bit video game.
Created by Cinefix’s David and Henry Dutton, the 4-minute video covers all the important parts of the show: You see Will get abducted by the creature from the Upside Down; you’re with Lucas, Mike, and Dustin when they find Eleven; you watch as Joyce asks for an advance to buy a new phone; and, unfortunately, you’re there when Eleven finds Barb’s dead body 🙁
The clip also impressively recreates the show’s soundtrack into MIDI. Watch it below.
On Thursday, the Chengdu Research Base of Giant Panda Breeding debuted 23 baby pandas to the public. The tiny cubs were all sprawled out on what looked like a huge green mattress, which was fitting because they all seemed so so sleepy.
“I thought they were toys because they were lying there motionless,” one visitor told CCTV. “Then I realized they were cute baby pandas.”
One lucky American was there and spoke with CCTV. “I never imagined there would be so many baby pandas in one place,” he said.
The pandas mostly just lied there looking very confused and tired, occasionally moving only to readjust their little heads and arms, except for one brave explorer. He tried to make a run for it, but, as baby pandas are wont to do, ended up falling on his face.
으앙 어떡해ㅠㅠ바닥에 쿵해쪄ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ 너무 귀여워😭😭😭😭 또 떨어질뻔한 다른애는 넓은 데로 모셔지고 작은 아가들도 뒤로 밀어지는거 졸귀ㅜㅜㅠㅠㅠㅠ pic.twitter.com/OZyDaiTT8G
Usually, the United States of America is a hot bed of Hot Messes, with a disproportionate amount of those taking place in the Sunshine State. But not this week, when half of our stories took us around the world, with bizarre crime and unfortunate animal attacks occurring in France, England, and Australia. But don’t worry, Trump-supporters; even with the international competition, America remained great this week with three strange stories of its own.
We started the week in Hudson, Colorado, where Celinda Haynes found herself as the victim of an unusual crime: She was stabbed by her dog, Mia, who had grabbed a large pairing knife from Haynes’s kitchen counter with her mouth. But everything turned out okay: Haynes was treated at a local hospital and released, and local police said they weren’t “charging Mia with anything because she’s a dog.”
Next, we explored the comedic stylings of Sunday Night Sex Talks, a Los Angeles-based comedy show created for women who want to talk about their dirtiest one-night flings and other hot messes of modern dating. “It started as a gathering that I would do with my best girl friends in college,” creator Jessie Rosen told Page Six. “We would recap all the crazy things that had happened Friday and Saturday night.” As for the juicy details of the shows, you’ll likely never hear them unless you attend yourself; everyone in the audience signs a “Vow of Silence” before the show.
Then we moved onto the heroic feats of a pilot named Mark Penell, who was flying his single-engine plane over central New York when its goddamn propellor flew off. Somehow, Penell managed to remain calm and land the plane like nothing happened. Penell, we salute you.
There was also the tale of Washington D.C. bartender Tripp Diaz, who had an eventful week after C-SPAN accidentally posted her phone-number during the presidential debate and encouraged viewers to text their thoughts about the contest. By Tuesday morning, she’d reportedly received more than 12,000 texts and 300 phone calls. Luckily for her, Verizon told her she’s unlikely to face any additional charges since she’d opted for the unlimited text plan.
The most horrible story of the week took place in Australia, where a construction worker named Jordan was bit on his penis by a venomous spider while sitting on a portable toilet. If this sounds familiar, it’s because last April the BBC reported that an Australian construction worker was bitten on the penis by a venomous spider while sitting on a portable toilet. As (terrible) luck would have it, it was the same man. “I’m the most unlucky guy in the country at the moment,” he told the BBC. “I was sitting on the toilet doing my business and just felt the sting that I felt the first time. I was like ‘I can’t believe it’s happened again.’ I looked down, and I’ve seen a few little legs come from around the rim.”
Meanwhile, a French man who’d apparently had one too many bad experiences with customer service went apeshit in a Dijon Apple store, smashing several iPhones before launching into an inspired speech about…I’m not really sure because I don’t speak French. But he did sound very passionate.
And lastly, there’s the bizarre, sad case of 63-year-old David Hardy, who was charged with assault after punching a 5-day-old baby in the face last month in an Manchester, England supermarket. Hardy has admitted to punching the baby, but he claims he didn’t do so deliberately. “[H]e thought it was a doll,” his attorney said. No explanation was offered for why he thought it was okay to punch a toy doll in the face.
Denver in autumn is magical. The air in the Mile High city has a bite to it and there is a palpable vibe that there is a change in the season.
Photo courtesy of Green Man Cannabis
After parking our RV in a spectacular park a few miles outside of the the city, we made our way into town for some Mexican food. After devouring our meal (Tiffany had a tasty chimichanga and I opted for the authentic tacos carnitas), we found ourselves in a fun conversation with Arthur, an affable gent sitting at the table next to us.
Arthur told us he was on his dinner break from his budtending gig at Green Man Cannabis, a marijuana retail store within walking distance to the taqueria. Well, we just couldn’t resist.
As we walked to the GMC, Arthur told us how marijuana has helped him improve his quality of life — “I traded in my bottle of whiskey for a bottle of weed and poured myself into my new job,” he said with a smile.
Arthur recommended an amazing chocolate and burnt caramel truffle, a perfect dessert after our Mexican meal! We also purchased a cartridge for Tiffany’s vape pen for later in the evening.
Arthur’s kind smile and vast knowledge of cannabis helped us achieve that world-famous Rocky Mountain high!
With new music flying like warp-speed through the various channels of the Internet, it can be hard to keep up. But worry not! Each week The Fresh Toast will deliver the most-discussed and exciting songs that have recently dropped. Landed. Crashed. And also: soared. Enjoy.
Solange ft. Lil Wayne—“Mad”
“Where’d your love go?” Solange asks, and goodness if there’s not multiplicities in that question. There’s so many possible you’s. “But I’m not really allowed to be mad,” she sings in the song’s outro, after she, along with a dexterous, throwback Lil Wayne (!!), list the many, many reasons they should be.
But this song sounds so far from angry thanks to its gorgeous production: Plinking piano chords, a slow-motion walking bass (it’s got so much stank, man!), and drums that bless with that bounce. Solange slips in and out of this falsetto and it’s so, so divine. You really believe she has wings. I mean, how else did she pull out that verse from Wayne? He hasn’t spit this confident, this graceful, this—yeah—poetic in years.
Overall, Solange’s album vibrates like spring’s first sunrise after a brutally cruel winter. In a year like 2016, it’s not hard imagining why a black woman might feel that way. But her records don’t divide, they heal; they’re like a family quilt you snuggle yourself in during those darkest of nights. Though it’s her struggle laid bare, she invites everyone in. Still so much to unpack, so much worth visiting again and again.
The Weeknd—“False Alarm”
Hm. Hmmmm. Hmmmmmmmm. I’ll be honest: I’m still undecided about this new Weeknd single. It’s certainly one of The Weeknd’s more polarizing songs (which is saying something!). It mostly revolves around that hook: him scream-singing “false alarm!” amidst percussive cacophony. Sensory overload, it is. Not bad, but he seems lacking that Prince gusto to pull off that yell.
Also, an odd choice to drop singles in back-to-back weeks for an album still two months away. This internet era we’re in really isn’t conducive to any expectations whatsoever. Maybe his team thought it best to debut this song ahead of his SNL performance this weekend? I liked “Starboy,” but I just don’t know how I feel about “False Alarm.” Maybe that’s saying more than I intend to.
$ilk Money ft. Andre Benjamin—“Decemba”
Okay is Andre 3000 dropping something or what? Following consecutive years where Dre would descend from the heavens to bless us with one fresh verse a year, he’s been popping up a lot lately. He’s on the Frank Ocean album, Travis Scott’s record, and will make two appearances on Cudi’s upcoming project. Add in those Gucci-fueled OutKast rumors and now delivering these bars that give off that Aquemini-era feeling. Idk idk idk. I don’t want to set up any of us for disappointment. But Andre’s making it real hard not to believe something’s coming.
Metallica—“Moth Into Flame”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBHSvxG-F_k
What is the proper response following that performance? Is anyone allowed to play anything again? Should Metallica have just destroyed their instruments, because seriously what’s left after that? Also, man, James Hetfield really hates fame and celebrity if your brain somehow processed his message there (it required two listenings personally). Straight fire, that was. And no, we aren’t adjusting our score for olds.
Gucci Mane ft. Rick Ross—“Money Machine”
Here’s what you need to know about this music video: Servers carry around silver platters of stacks and the candelabra is stuffed with dollar bills instead of candles. I love Gucci Mane so much.
Major Lazer & Showtek—“Believer”
The last Major Lazer record we heard was the Justin Bieber-assisted “Cold Water.” It was a track crafted for radio, and has climbed the charts accordingly. But this new record has no interest in any of that. Instead it’s a classic EDM banger that will rock festivals and various sets this year. You know what they say: Get you a DJ who can do both.
A father and son duo out of Colorado has been given the green light to sell their cannabinoid-infused beer nationally—perhaps as soon as next year.
Thomas Hembree and his son, Mason, plan to start canning their General Washington’s Secret Stash IPA, which contains no THC, in November. They’ve already been brewing a line of canna-beers at their brewery Dad’s and Dude’s Breweria in Aurora.
Cannabinoids are a miracle compound, and I thought it would be a responsible choice to put them into beer. They are an antioxidant and neuro-protectant that have a lot of health benefits.
We had to find the perfect time in the brewing process to add the CBD to the beer. If you add it too early it denatures when we refine the beer because the compound attaches to the brewing yeast.
Here’s Mason, and his adorable anti-alcohol, anti-weed mom, talking to 9NEWS:
