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How To Masturbate On The DL When You’re Home For The Holidays

You’re home for the holidays and immediately regress to your teenage days when mom and dad and the family dog knew what you were up to at all times. All those dirty thoughts? They definitely knew about that, too. Depending on your family dynamic, getting off might be the only thing that gets you through the holidays; a respite at night when you need it most, along with some Netflix binging after your parents go to bed at 9 p.m.

Refinery29 did the dirty work and consulted with a sex therapist and sex coach to construct a list of sex toys and techniques to make sure silent night stays that way.

Shower 

This may sound like a no-brainer, but there’s nothing suspicious about a long shower. Remember, you have all those creepy relatives to wash off you. Nobody will get suspicious. (Check out the waterproof vibrator recommended if you want a shower buddy.)

Read Erotica

Find the filthiest book you can imagine, with an inconspicuous cover, if possible, and go to town. (Here’s a list of free erotic fiction websites). It’s less stressful than trying to control the volume on your laptop. If you need to watch port to get off, make sure to bring your earbuds.

Chose Your Sex Toys Wisely

Pack some that don’t look like straight-up sex toys. Skip the handcuffs and leather whip and bring some toys that mimic regular travel items, like a lipstick and necklace-shaped vibrator.

Sext

Of course, there’s always the tried and true way of sexting your partner, whether or not they’re traveling with you. Are they sitting next to you? In the next room? Getting busy by themselves in the bedroom? Hundreds of miles away? Going on a coffee run? This way of getting off can be done anywhere and anytime. Plus, you can swap naughty pics. Just make sure you don’t accidentally send that nude to the wrong person. That is the type of Christmas present that needs to come with a warning.

For more hacks, head on over to Refinery29.

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