Friday, March 29, 2024

Gwyneth Paltrow Wants You To Try Coffee Enemas

On their first newsletter of the year, Goop released their yearly detox guide along with some of the best and most exciting beauty and wellness products of 2018. They obviously had to recommend something weird, because it’s Goop.

The Huffington Post reports that their list of wellness products includes extravagant items such as a $4,000 two-person, cedar sauna and a metaphysical colonic – don’t ask – while also including more traditional beauty products such as face masks, oils, and potions. You know, things we can pronounce. 

The item that caught most people’s attention, even more than the 4,000 dollar sauna, was the Implant O’rama, a coffee enema system that’s meant to be used at home. Let’s deconstruct all that we’ve just read. This device looks like a bottle with some tubes, which you’re supposed to put up your butt so you can pump some coffee up your colon. For detox purposes.

This type of colon cleanse, even though weird, has existed since the 1920’s. Supporters of this method claim that it drains the toxic bile from your gut and helps the liver’s filtering system. They also claim that it’s a good measure for treating cancer, arthritis, and heart disease.

While all of this sounds great, at home enema kits are complex and should be used by people who have experience with these sorts of devices. For the average Joe, it’s a little unrealistic to picture them putting tubes up their butts to pump some coffee up their colon. But that’s just my opinion.

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