There are plenty of reasons why marijuana prohibition is a failed ethos, but a new study showing that black market weed contains disgusting levels of feces is probably the best reason we have heard in a long time to support legalization. No shit, scientists just found dookie in our doobies, and we’re ready to hurl over here.
Researchers at the Universidad Complutense in Madrid say that there is, in fact, so much poop in street weed that it is unfit for human consumption. The results of this study, which were published in the latest issue of Forensic Science International, show that 83 percent of the marijuana sold in the underground has a higher caca content than it does THC. And while this might be the most humorous piece of crap news you read today, rest assured smoking stool is a serious public health issue.
During the study, researchers found traces of Aspergillus fungus and E.coli bacteria, which are dangerous bugs that are located in the intestines of humans and other animals. Anyone who has ever been had a severe case of food poisoning can attest to the violent nature that comes from this bacteria. It’s one of the reasons that people are supposed to wash our hands after using the bathroom. So clearly the concept of smoking manurijuana is something that should be avoided at all cost.
So why is this shit happening?
Well, researchers believe that it is the result of the asinine tactics that cartel mules are forced to take when smuggling marijuana into other countries. One of the most popular methods is swallowing baggies containing the product and transporting it in the stomach. Once arrived at their destination, the mules then consume high doses of laxatives to move the pot from their large intestine to the outside world. No cleansing process takes place to ensure the commode dope is free of disease. It is immediately sold in the underground, putting unsuspecting customers at risk of getting sick. The user is especially vulnerable to ganja guano if they have a weakened immune system.
Although it might seem like the butt bugs would be killed the moment the marijuana was put to a flame prior to smoking, experts argue that is not necessarily the case. “There are no filters on joints,” lead researcher José Manuel Moreno Pérez told El País. “You are not just breathing in smoke, but also particles.”
It is important to point out that this study only focuses on the dealings happening around Madrid. It is in no way intended to imply that there is stoner sewage floating around in the United States.
In legal states, marijuana is tested for a variety of contaminants and considering that nobody has to put pot products up their ass to transport it, consumers in those places are relatively safe. However, if you are still getting marijuana from the Mexican connection—some still do—there is always the possibility that when you’re dealer says, “hey man, this weed is the shit,” he won’t be lying.