It’s hard to get away with vandalism when you’re covered in the evidence. It’s even harder when the evidence is a “sticky white food substance.”
“Man covered in marshmallow creme-like stuff arrested for vandalism at Voodoo Donuts” the Register-Guard reports out of Eugene, Oregon, with an award-deserving headline. Twenty-year-old Ean Mandrake Card was already banned from this particular 24-hour Voodoo Donut establishment, but showed up around 6:45 a.m. on a Sunday — a time of day when most of America was either dead asleep, waking up to head to church, or preparing to get real weird with some icing — to exact his sweet revenge. As dawn broke over sleepy Eugene, Card proceeded to rub (what officials say appeared to be) marshmallow creme on the store’s windows and patio furniture, which was probably a total bitch to clean off.
Police found Card covered in creme, about a half-mile away from the shop. He was arrested on charges of third-degree criminal mischief, second-degree criminal trespass and disorderly conduct. His expression in his mugshot is incredulous. As if everyone doesn’t get the urge to rub a donut shop down with marshmallow creme once in a while.
What could spur a man to such action, and what got him banned from there in the first place? He doesn’t seem to be a former employee, as his social media lists a skate park and a firefighters’ association, but there is a nearly year-long gap that’s missing between these gigs. Was this the year he worked at Voodoo that left the bad taste in his mouth and on his hands? According to this location’s Yelp, fresh donuts come off the line at 6 a.m., so it’s possible Card knew this would be the golden hour for distracted employees hard at work for the rush of customers needing their socially acceptable morning cake in circular form.
Or perhaps he just hates the idea of a place that’s cash-only charging $4.50 per donut. Maybe he hates food puns combined with breakfast cereal for donuts named things like”Captain my Captain” or “The Loop.” Who can say but Ean himself, and he’s probably still cleaning the creme out of his hair.
Posted By: Samantha Cole