Friday, August 19, 2022

Man Sees Spider, Sets Fire To His Workplace On His First Day

Sometimes you’re the spider, and sometimes you’re the guy holding the spider-smiting lighter who’s about to burn his whole place of work down.

Kevin Butler, a 24-year-old from Cudahy, Wisconsin, was starting his first day at work for A.L. Schutzman, a distribution company specializing in nuts—because you can’t make this shit up—when a spider appeared. He reacted fast, with an instinct he told officials he’d learned in childhood: Lighting the little fucker ablaze.

The fire destroyed $13,000 worth of product, including sacks of almonds, which he lit fire to and and then walked away. He faces up to seven years in prison and up to $20,000 in fines if convicted of felony arson, according to local news station WISN: “Another employee saw the fire and put it out with a fire extinguisher, but not before it destroyed two sacks of almonds, each weighing 2,100 pounds, the complaint said.” He was very apologetic and didn’t intend to set a blaze. Who ever does, really. Life just comes at you fast sometimes.

He appeared in court this week, and was ordered by the judge not to use any incendiary devices, like lighters, until the case was resolved. He’s charged with one count of arson of property and one count of criminal damage to property.

The company’s website claims to be “small enough to make quick decisions,” a fast-reacting trait that probably helped Butler land the job. Unfortunately, when you’re making snap judgements about fire, things can get heated quickly.

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