Sunday, August 14, 2022

Woman Fakes Clown Attack To Avoid Getting Fired

We’re in the midst of a clown attack epidemic. When 30 shaken kids come up to you and say “Did you see the clown in the woods?” shit has gotten truly real. It’s such a prevalent problem, that people have started using “A clown attacked me” as an excuse for being late for work.  

These creepy-ass clowns are luring children into the woods in South Carolina, Georgia, and now Ohio. Cincinnati’s WCPO reports that a woman was chased to her apartment by a clown, after a rash of other clown-related incidents in the area. Here’s the 911 call from that day:

“I just got home from work and got out of my car — I have heard so much about this, I didn’t know this was actually true — but I just got chased by a clown up to the door of my apartment,” she tells the police in the call. The attacker was wearing a full red-and-white clown suit and a plastic mask.

The next day, WCPO reports that a clown attack and threats to schools forced classes to cancel. A clown-suited man grabbed a woman by the throat while she was smoking on her porch at 4 a.m., and told her “I should just kill you now” and “students and teachers (will) wish they were never born at the junior and senior high school today.”

Colerain Township Police have seriously had it. Cut it out, y’all.

While the world breaks into circus-themes chaos, one Ohio 18-year-old decided to get cute, calling the cops to report her own pre-dawn clown attack. She told police that a clown-clad weirdo jumped a fence, brandished a knife, and cut her thumb. While the paramedics checked her out, she took the time to calmly scroll Facebook.

Her extreme chill in what should have been a pretty harrowing situation, combined with several inconsistencies in her report, tipped off police: Turns out, she was faking it to avoid being fired from her job at McDonald’s. You know it’s a bad day when faking a clown attack tale is the only alternative to being late for work and losing your job.

Posted By: Samantha Cole


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