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Man Badly Mauled After ‘Probably’ Interrupting Bear Sex

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Nature is filled with beautiful things—mountains and rivers, majestic animals, cool trees—that rejuvenate and inspire us after we’ve been cooped up in the restrictive indoors. It’s also jam-packed with creatures that will absolutely fuck you up, like angry bears who were just interrupted while doing it.

Earlier this week, Dan Richman learned about the latter as he was hiking in the Sierra Madre foothills of California. “All of a sudden, I saw this bear standing on its hind legs and I’d never seen a bear in person before. I was pretty freaked out,” Richman told KTLA.

He backed away from the bear, only to run into another bear. He screamed in an attempt to scare it off. When that didn’t work, he tried to run away.

“I was running right past it, and it just came down and got me. It first bit my right wrist and then it somehow came around and got my leg,” he told KABC. “Next thing I knew I was on the ground on my hands and knees and it was almost like a wrestling position.”

The bear clawed his arm and leg, and put its mouth around his neck. “I just stayed really, really still,” he said. “I just didn’t move. On my hands, on my knees. The bear was on top of me. He eased up and I got up and walked away. Once I thought it was clear, I just ran down the mountain.”

His injuries, which included cuts to his head, legs, feet, and torso, were severe–local police called it a “pretty good bear attack–and Richman said he was lucky to survive.

But why were the bears so mad? A park spokesman told the Los Angeles Times that “may have been a mating pair that was interrupted” and that Richman “probably just surprised the bears and they reacted the way an animal with teeth and claws does [when interrupted while boning].”

Messy breakups, deranged antics, pets gone wild. The Internet car-crash you can’t turn away from. For more Hot Messes, check out: Woman Claims Wendy’s Served Her 4-Year-Old Daughter Fries Covered With Weed and Suck It, Trebek”: How Alex Trebek Fired Up All Of Nerdom With This One Word.

Is This The Biggest Hot Mess Of All Time?

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Yes, there’s been many other YYYYUUUUUGGGGGGEEEEE hot messes over the entire sweep of humanity. Humanity is very old, after all! But this one right here? (Up there, in the photo. That guy.) Yeah, sure is hard to top in terms of hot messiness. Don’t agree? Tell us who you think is the Biggest Hot Mess of All Time (BHMOAT)?

Toolbag Artist Makes NYC Parks Worker Clean Dog Poop Off His Fancy Shoes: Report

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An artist who had an exhibit at Gracie Square Art Show in Carl Schurz Park stepped in dog poop at the park earlier this month. Shit, as they say, happens, but the outraged artist, Baltimore-based Christos Palios, demanded that NYC Parks Department workers clean up the poop on the ground around the exhibits and, reportedly, from his fancy shoes.

The New York Post reports that park worker Tasheema Chatman was asked to clean the poop from Palios’s shoes. “He had this cocky, arrogant demeanor to himself, like this was a regular thing for him,” she said.

Palios denied demanding Chatman to clean his shoes, saying instead that he only politely asked her to do so.

It was because New Yorkers don’t clean up their dog poo.

“What bothers me universally is that she had a choice just to say no, no, no,” he told the Post. “I mean, I didn’t order her. I said, ‘Are you sure?’ and I just thought she had helped someone else with it or, or it was no big deal.”

“I felt uncomfortable a little bit the whole time, but I thought it was just going to be a 15- or 20-second thing,” he added. “I called for three little spots.”

Chatman has since requested and received a transfer to another park. “They made me feel less than a person. I can’t stop breaking down,” she said. “I just don’t understand how somebody can treat another human being like that. And this is happening right in the Mayor’s backyard and he needs to know.”

She also told the Post that she cried for 15 minutes after cleaning poop from Palios’s shoes.

Palios says the city’s inconsiderate dog owners are to blame for the incident. “It was because New Yorkers don’t clean up their dog poo,” he said.

The Parks Department is looking into the incident, according to a spokesperson who spoke with the Post.

Messy breakups, deranged antics, pets gone wild. The Internet car-crash you can’t turn away from. For more Hot Messes, check out Woman Claims Wendy’s Served Her 4-Year-Old Daughter Fries Covered With Weed and Snitch: Crow Finds Bag Of Drugs In Trash, Leaves It On Ground For Cops.

Leonard Cohen Rules

Leonard Cohen rules. Why, you ask? Are you really asking that question? Don’t. Just listen to this entire record. It’s 41 minutes and 20 seconds. Yes, I know you’re busy. I don’t give a shit. Listen to it. Next, read every word of this profile. It’s very long. Don’t skip parts. Finally, consider that he’s now 82 years old and this month he put out one of the best songs of the year. Got it? We good now? Great.

Posted By: Maccabee Montandon

Ken Bone Is A Fan Of ‘PreggoPorn’ And Insurance Fraud, Says Trayvon Martin’s Death Was ‘Justified’

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Ken Bone’s amazing week has ended, predictably, in scandal. Last night, the red sweatered star of Sunday night’s presidential debate held an an AMA on reddit, where he’s been an active user for years. The only problem is Bone neglected to delete his more controversial comments before revealing his user name to the public.

Bone was, as Gizmodo reports, an active commenter in NSFW subreddits like bodyperfection, RealGirls, and PreggoPorn. He also commented on the hacked Jennifer Lawrence nudes. “Maybe she should have been more careful with her pics, but the bad guys are still the ones who sought them out and looked at them,” he wrote. “By which I mean guys like me. I saw her butt hole. I liked it.”

“Beautiful human submarines,” he wrote about nude pregnant woman in PreggoPorn.

“I never realized the White Power ranger was so beautiful,” he wrote in a thread called RealGirls. “Japanese features, Brazilian curves. She could rule the world,” he wrote in bodyperfection.

More alarming than his harmless, if perhaps unusual, taste in porn and his troubling views on leaked celeb photos is his admission of insurance fraud.

But most disturbing of all are his views on Trayvon Martin, the unarmed black teenager shot to death in 2012 by George Zimmerman. In short, Bone believes Martin’s killing was “justified.”

“From what I read about the case the shooting of Trayvon Martin was justified, but what I’ve learned of Zimmerman through statements, interview [sic], and behavior he is a big ole shit bird,” he wrote. “Bad guy legally kills kid in defense. Sucks for everybody, including us for the media fuckery.”

 

Reading that last quote makes it all the more amazing that he’s not voting for Trump. Then again:

https://twitter.com/tomscocca/status/786895387307245568

It’s enough to make you almost feel bad for Ken Bone, who certainly now wishes he could go back to the innocent, old days of $100,000 porn offers and rumors of his ways with the ladies during his time as a Christian rock and roller.

UPDATE: Bone apologized in an email to the New York Times:

“If you read the whole post on the Trayvon Martin tragedy you’ll see that I said based on what I read, which was the release from the D.O.J., the shooting was ruled as legally justified,” he wrote. “It was also an awful thing to happen. Just because it was legal does not mean it was right. I wish Trayvon were still alive.”

On his posts about Ms. Lawrence, he had this to say: “It was a joke in poor taste made from my former anonymity. I take full responsibility for saying it. I wholeheartedly apologize and wish I could do so to her directly.”

Now that he is the opposite of anonymous, Mr. Bone would like everyone to know something: “My message has been one about elevating the level of conversation, and if I want to hold our leaders accountable for their words then I must be accountable for mine.”

Messy breakups, deranged antics, pets gone wild. The Internet car-crash you can’t turn away from. For more Hot Messes, check out Gorilla Escapes From London Zoo, Is Recaptured Before Becoming Meme and “Suck It, Trebek”: How Alex Trebek Fired Up All Of Nerdom With This One Word.

Bob Dylan Won The Nobel Prize In Literature And Everyone Has An Opinion About It

This sentence will either infuriate or inspire you: Singer-songwriter Bob Dylan has won the 2016 Nobel Prize in Literature. He joins a laureate ranks that includes Ernest Hemingway, Toni Morrison, Gabriel García Márquez, Kenzaburō Ōe, Samuel Becket and many others.

Dylan, however, is the first musician to ever claim the award and the first American to win since Morrison in 1993.

Perhaps to preempt the possible criticism of Dylan’s win, the Nobel committee released a statement, saying, Dylan “recorded a large number of albums revolving around topics like the social conditions of man, religion, politics and love”

The Swedish Academy’s permanent secretary, Sara Danius, compared Dylan’s work to that of the ancient Greek poets. “”If you look back, far back, 2,500 years or so, you discover Homer and Sappho and they wrote poetic texts that were meant to be listened to, that were meant to be performed, often with instruments—and it’s the same way with Bob Dylan,” she said.

He “is a great poet in the English-speaking tradition,” she summed up.

Reaction to such news was, unsurprisingly, divided on social media. Some celebrated the win while others demurred about American writers who could possibly have won, like Thomas Pynchon, Don DeLillo, and Philip Roth, who famously used to sit in his agent’s office every year awaiting the phone call.

https://twitter.com/KenTremendous/status/786579067604639745

https://twitter.com/jonlovett/status/786585856291184642

https://twitter.com/crushingbort/status/786559954996068352

https://twitter.com/rezaaslan/status/786525689453305857

The Guardian’s Alex Needham also reached out to preeminent American novelist Jonathan Franzen for a comment. He responded in true snarky Franzen fashion: “It’s a bitter disappointment to those of us who hoped that Morrissey would win this year. But it gives us hope for next year.”

Dylan was not a favorite coming into Thursday’s announcement. According to Ladbrokes, top contenders included Japanese novelist Haurki Marukami, Kenyan Ngũgĩ wa Thiong’o, DeLillo, and Spain’s Javier Marías.

Still unsure on your feelings? Maybe these Dylan tracks (hold the blood) will help you decide.

The most essential news, culture, entertainment, pop culture, and culture coverage that you need to know. Interested in more? Check out these stories: “Norway’s Prime Minster Is Really Into Pokemon Go and Gaming,” “Ken Bone’s ‘Journal’: A Fresh Toast Exclusive,” Study: Annoying Ducks Who Loved To Honk Probably Woke Up The Dinosaurs Every Morning.”

Posted By: Brendan Bures

Gorilla Escapes From London Zoo, Is Recaptured Before Becoming Meme

Chaos rumbled through the London Zoo this afternoon when a gorilla escaped from his enclosure. The gorilla has since been tranquillized and captured, according to London Police.

The BBC reports the animal escaped sometime around 5:10 pm local time, when zoo visitors reported being locked inside of a cafe. Within in 10 minutes heavily-armed police arrived, and at about 6:20 pm, staff received word that the gorilla had been recaptured. By 7 pm, the incident had been “concluded.”

“We were having a cup of coffee in the main restaurant area when they locked us all in and said there was an incident,” witness Brad Evans told the BBC Radio London, according to The Independent. “They gave us free teas and coffees and obviously we were asking what was going on and they told us that a gorilla had got out of its enclosure. As we were waiting we saw the police turning up in numbers with loads of guns.”

 

Seven gorillas reportedly reside at the zoo. While there’s been no official word about which one escaped, BuzzFeed spoke to one employee who said it could be Kumbuka, a western lowland silverback who arrived at the zoo in 2013.

“He’s a fucking psycho, that ape,” the employee told BuzzFeed. “He’s smashed the enclosure glass a couple of times.”

https://twitter.com/RobHogan4/status/786614585864359936?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

If this sounds vaguely familiar, that’s because it is. This past May, a gorilla named Harambe was shot to death at the Cincinnati Zoo after small child fell into his enclosure. The outrage over the gorilla’s death inspired a meme that today’s incident reignited.

https://twitter.com/spanial/status/786620406413332485?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

We’ll update this post as soon as more gorilla news becomes available.

Messy breakups, deranged antics, pets gone wild. The Internet car-crash you can’t turn away from. For more Hot Messes, check out: Woman Claims Wendy’s Served Her 4-Year-Old Daughter Fries Covered With Weed and Suck It, Trebek”: How Alex Trebek Fired Up All Of Nerdom With This One Word.

Posted By: Taylor Berman

Decoding The Subtle Cues Of Restaurants

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It’s getting late and you and your friends are lingering around the table, relishing in the pure bliss that emanates from the glow of a satisfying meal at a great restaurant. You’ve had more than enough to drink and now you’re just hanging out, enjoying the euphoric haze that hovers in that sweet spot somewhere between “I probably drank too much” and “I definitely ate too much.” There comes a time during the evening when we become putative owners of our table and nothing is going to get us to move. Except maybe the person who owns the restaurant.

I’ve had some really eye-opening conversations with restaurateurs lately, specifically about diners and the tricks used to drive them away when necessary. Here are some of the  most common cues decoded. Because we all want to be gracious guests, right?

Interrupting: This seems to be a popular trick. When lingering parties are camping out well after they’ve had dinner and are no longer ordering, servers will clear everything off the table, including candles. One restaurant owner says his go-to is over-service. If he wants a party to leave, he’ll swing by their table —  often —  and constantly refill their water glasses in order to interrupt their conversation.

Uprooting: Another way restaurant owners will get customers to leave a table (that they likely need for waiting guests) is to ask them to move to the bar. The proprietors who are really good at their job will treat the diner to a glass of sparkling wine or some other drink as a “thank you” for their trouble. This usually works best for single diners and couples, for obvious reasons.

Menu assistance: If people are taking too long to order, servers will often stop by the table and ask questions, like, “Can I answer any questions about our menu?” and “Can I get you started on something while you decide?”

Dropping the check early: You weren’t ready to pay but your server dropped the check anyway? Either you were rude and they want you to leave, or you’ve overstayed your welcome. Either way, this is the penultimate chapter of your dining experience. I hope you enjoyed it. Now, move along.

Interest in your evening plans: “What are y’all doing the rest of the night?” If it’s late and you and your friends have become rapacious table tenants, chances are your server is not the least bit interested in anything you have going on post-dinner, other than leaving the restaurant. (This is also an effective tactic for getting out of a bad conversation. “So, what’s the rest of your day look like?” Works like a charm).

The “brush up”: Servers keep bumping into you? How annoying! No, not the servers. You. This is a common trick restaurant staff use to get large parties to take a seat. Whether you booked the entire restaurant or the large communal table, you’re not entitled to hover around for prolonged periods of time blocking traffic. Sit down, please.

Cranking the music (and lights) up: This one’s a little more obvious and well-known. Besides cranking up the lights, bad music is a huge push out the front door. Not all restaurants and bars will ease you into lullaBYE with Semisonic’s “Closing Time.” I once realized it was time to leave an upscale restaurant when I heard Crazy Town’s “Butterfly” erupt over the speakers. A small departure from the Sinatra they were playing earlier. Some cues aren’t so subtle.

Star Wars’ ‘Rogue One’ Trailer Needs To Be Seen To Be Believed

The force is strong with this trailer. Disney delivered a surprise present for Star Wars fans Thursday with the release of the second trailer for Rogue One: A Star Wars Story.

Though the first trailer debuted in August, fans were skeptical. For one, the trailer exuded some very cryptic vibes. Coupled with the announcement that Disney had ordered late reshoots for the project, it was instilling some serious nerves in Disney’s first installment separate from the main Star Wars franchise.

But this trailer seems to assuage lots of those fears. The story is clearer: Jyn Erso, played by Felicity Jones, will lead a ragtag platoon of rebels to infiltrate the Death Star. Why? Her father Galen Erso (Mads Mikkelsen) was abducted by Imperial forces during Jyn’s childhood and he’s helped them build a weapon or tool of some kind—possibly the Death Star itself. So Jyn and her the Rebels aim to rescue him and stop the Imperials from amassing more power.

In other words, the thread lines are coming together now. A narrative with stakes has been placed on the table (hear that  JJ Abrams?).

Plus some small reveals like Darth Vader apparently playing a larger role in the movie than previous envisioned. It won’t be a blink-and-you-miss-it cameo like, say, Luke Skywalker in The Force Awakens. We also know that Rogue One is a call sign, as stated by Riz Ahmed’s Bodie. It’s a winking nod to The Return of the Jedi when Han Solo and crew tries land on Endor, but must first give an “old” code to grant their clearance.

Near the end of the trailer, Forest Whitaker’s Saw Gerrerra delivers this line: “Save the rebellion! Save the dream!” Fans might feel this trailer did just that for the beloved Star Wars franchise.

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Posted By: Brendan Bures

The Fresh Toast In The Press: Early October 2016

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It’s been an exciting couple of weeks around TFT headquarters.

As you may have heard, we had a super fun and packed launch party in New York City last week. Before and after the launch, several news outlets spoke with our publisher, JJ McKay and editor in chief Kelly Barbieri to find out what we are up to and where we are headed. Some highlights from all the excellent press:

*Politico provided the earliest glimpse of our plans, and noted that investors in the company include Dan Nordstrom, of the Nordstrom family; Jeff Barish, a Condé Nast veteran; and Carolyn Kelly, a former president of The Seattle Times.

*Crain’s caught up with us just after the big bash and pointed out the good timing of launching the site:

The site’s launch is timed to take advantage of changes in the public’s attitude toward the drug that may accelerate come November. New York legalized medical marijuana in 2014. Five states, including California and Massachusetts, have measures on the ballot that would legalize recreational use and another four states will be voting on medical marijuana programs. A total of 25 states plus the District of Columbia have legalized pot in one form or another.

Entrepreneurs and investors have been rushing to create products targeting a middle-of-the-road crowd.

*Fox News sat down JJ and Kelly just before the launch party:

JJ discussed the site, which has an office in the Gowanus section of Brooklyn, is trying to appeal to mainstream cannabis users not traditionally served by so-called stoner magazines.

*GeekWire published one of our favorite pieces on TFT so far. The site quoted McKay as saying that The Fresh Toast’s target audience sees cannabis “as one facet of their daily life. It’s not a definer. They look at it like vodka or lattes or aspirin.”

For all the great coverage we’ve received so far, check out the Press page right here. Thanks for taking a look and happy reading!

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