Wednesday, January 26, 2022
HomeDaily DelightTry Not To Get Turned On By This Woodsy Carbonara

Try Not To Get Turned On By This Woodsy Carbonara

If you’re sick of celebrity chefs talking over the sound of knives running through pork fat and rambling about their childhood memories with nana in front of a fake television set kitchen, Alex Almazan is your answered prayer.

Turn your sound up and enjoy 13 minutes of peace, as Almazan makes carbonara in the woods:

Every motion is soft and measured, never sloppy, always thoughtful. It’s the opposite of how most people cook outdoors: Armed with a can opener and a camp stove.

He swirls his fingers through the flour, sprinkles in salt, and gently adds eggs before breaking the yolks with a level of attentiveness unmatched if he’d laid them himself. Seriously, it’s borderline NSFW.

Next comes the smoked pork meat, which he notes is “homemade,” so you know he whispered sweet soothing words to that pig before sacrificing it to the gods of the forest kitchen. Moving on to two perfect garlic cloves, he taps them lightly with a rock — wow, this is much nicer than the smash-it-to-death with the bottom of a heavy coffee mug method.

The bunch of parsley is thwapped down on the rock slab, to make it extra clear that he’s going for that ASMR vibe. If you’re getting a little turned on by this video, rest assured that it’s intentional. Subtle and classy, but intentional. Sizzling the pork fat in a pan over the fire, rolling out the pasta dough with floury hands, shredding the pecorino cheese with a sh-sh-sh sound — yeah, this guy’s got a nice mic. Don’t even talk about the stirring of the eggs and cheese together.

He doesn’t speak a word throughout the entire video, but he probably sounds like a mix between Bob Ross and Ron Swanson. If you’re craving more, the Disney prince of cooking videos also made pork sandwiches with the help of an owl, and lamb roast cooked for four hours in a clay pot.

Here’s the ingredients list for carbonara, from the YouTube description:

Forest Carbonara

  • 4 free-range eggs
  • 1 cup grano duro flour
  • 1/2 tsp. salt
  • 150g pecorino cheese
  • 200g smoked pork meat (homemade)
  • 2 garlic cloves
  • handful of fresh parsley
  • 1/2 tsp. black pepper
  • olive oil

The preparation directions, you’ll have to gather from watching the full video above.


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